I spend most days worrying about things I need to do, rather than actually enjoying a few of them. It seems there is something or someone who usually needs my attention. Therefore time allowances set aside for what I dig is overshadowed by an unwritten list of 'you betters,' dictated by an imaginary taskmaster who looks similar to yours truly. She is void of any joy and asks a lot of me daily. For her, there is no accustomation to the word holiday. I feel obligated to report in, like a child seeking approval of their performance marks. And when I've finally crossed out a few chores, I ask permission to play. Please, please, I must have a reprieve from you know who!
Allotting myself the grace to sit back and put my obligatory feet up has been circling the mind lately; the notion of relaxation difficult. Imagery of the tiny activities I love are being shot by guilty arrows. I simply can't find a balance between taking care of business and the business for taking care of me. Travis is quite encouraging that it's ok, to not be so hard on myself, that most things will still be there if I don't get to it. The analogy of his I'm reminded of is "The post office will always have mail to sort." drats, he's right. And of course what he's reminding me of I know. But we all have things in life "we know," yet still find a way to rationalize otherwise.
Coincidentally Sunday morning I read an article my friend Clementine wrote (read her other lovely words here.) Although it's context originated while playing with her son, she's applied the "be present" model to other activities. To spend your time wisely, doing that thing at that moment, forgetting everything else (whether fun or chores.) To not allow whatever form of guilt you fear to overtake the significance of that event. At least in summary, that's what I took away from it. Which isn't that the great thing about writing & art - you get to interpret what it means for you?! It's nothing more than a simply worded principle I can use while these bones are still upright.
Funny how all we need sometimes is a gentle reminder that it's ok to make ourselves smile too.
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