Thursday, June 29, 2017

A Vacation For One

Vacation time is like intangible gold and I accrue such worth in the amount of (up to) 40 days each calendar year.

I don't always find it easy to spend.

~~~~~

The city of Las Vegas.  The under constructionally hot landscape, not likely what you'd call our favourite.  For Travis,  I sense it's the deeply sad & desperate energy slathering every inch of his surrounding, for me it's the shocking familiarity to my desert past that I'm not looking to re-explore right now.

Travis usually books an annual week of shows out there, hosting the Laugh Factory.  I often go because time with my fella, wherever that is, is one of my favorite ways to tick the clock.  However, this year posed new logistical challenges.  I returned my leased car in May, so we're being a power couple on four wheels; I really wanted to take care of some 'boring to anyone else but me' house things; And mostly we had no one to watch Leroy.

As his planning unfolded, I realized I hadn't taken a proper vacation yet this year, making this the perfect opportunity.  The calendar inched closer for missing Travis, but I became increasingly excited to spend the time alone.  Yo, pick your chin up and read the above paragraph again. It afforded me the luxury to clear my personal list, which is just inherently harder when your spouse is around.  Or at least it is when you dig them so much.

and together, we'll head back in December to visit Mercury, NV.  {wink} look it up.

~~~~~

The goal was simple: Enjoy the time supporting my self-happiness & 1000 more head kisses to Leroy.  I needed some life quiet and this week the noise should come from blasting my speakers.

- No social media or news
- Spend time with myself
- Spend time with Leroy
- Lots of walking & running
- Lots of stretching & literally putting my legs up

And:
- Paint the living room
- Paint some canvas
- Reorganize & Purge
- Read some magazines
- Work in the garden
- Mostly be alone but enjoy the few scheduled outings


Day 1:  Travis left late morning, after all last minute preparations were done.  Normally he packs up the car, does a verbal check of everything needed, we'd exchange XOXOXO and as he'd wave goodbye, a hefty dose of depression would step in.  For the first few days I wouldn't do anything but watch television in the cuddle position hoping to hug Leroy but really he's cool just being near, and feel bad I wasn't accomplishing anything I had planned.  But it was different this time.  This time he drove away and I was immediately struck by the determination to action!  It was an unexpected upturn, one I anticipate has to do with my overall life positives.  I turned up the tunes that'd been knocking to get out of my head.  oh and I miss Travis.


Day 2: Noticed interesting affects of not posting or checking the social media triad known as fabinster (facebook, instragram, twitter).  There are things I thought or saw that I wanted to share, but the easily adhered to restriction meant they now become just for me.  Or a text to someone - I like that.  The instinct was to post on twitter or instagram, which I later figured was because I didn't mentioned going off-line on those platforms.  Like one was closed for renovations and the others were open during construction.  curious...

I also recognize the few times I wanted to look something up on facebook - a link, a company, piece of information... but said out loud each time, no social media!  I was out with a friend this night and said (more than once) argh! I'll send you the information later.  He just laughed, although encouragingly.  I don't think people mind the reprieve as much anymore - I like that.

 I discovered some new music through a random search.  oh and I still miss Travis.


Day 3: Went for a nice, long run in the cool morning.  Despite doing a boatload of more cardio activity, I've been getting faster per mile times.  I'm somehow averaging 8:30 as compared to 9:15+, which I have no idea if that's a small or significant improvement.  But I'll take it!  A girlfriend wanted to celebrate my vacationness, so she invited me to an afternoon movie and early dinner.  What a treat! This is obviously what tap dancing feels like.

Stayed up late with some Mazzy Star.  oh and this is the day that's the longest where I miss Travis.


Day 4: Decided to give my run legs a break and walked 2.5 miles to a favorite market because I was making a Korean dinner for a friend, based on her suggestion of bringing vegan Korean ribs.  So much schlepping of spices and eggplants!  Legit my first attempt at such a thing tho and luckily I had time to prepare and perfect.  Turns out she brought regular vegan ribs, so my sides were quite the spicy surprise.  oops.  Luckily they complimented each other and it was a fun mish-mosh of food.  I truly love cooking and being lost in my own excitement was quite pleasurable.

It's becoming normal course to keep off the platforms.  No joke, it feels like a distant activity reminiscent of before they overtook daily life.  The political news allure of keeping informed has been on my mind a tad more than expected, but staying busy keeps those desires at bay.  This mental check has been teased by knowing in a few days, I could watch again.  Not sure how I feel about that or whether I will.

So. Much. Rap.  oh and I way miss Travis but am getting excited it's closer to him coming home.  Like when you know it's almost the weekend and that shit flips fast so then the thing you're waiting for will be here ever sooner!


Day 5: I still get up early because I want to make sure I hit all the things before it gets 1000 degrees.  Nice long walk for Leroy, my exercise, any garden tending.  That frees up my day for the inside stuff and today is a day for MUSIC.  I really don't know what I'd do without those melodic vibrations, which makes me question why I never went into that industry.

I summoned Al Green and Otis Redding, who kindly serenaded me while I prepared some AH-MAH-ZING homemade soyrizo that isn't made from soy so I should call it LIErizo.  (hrmph, I don't love that either).  A friend was coming over for lunch and street tacos were our tasty jam.  Seriously, unleash me to reverse-engineer a food and I'm a happy bird.

Tonight tho, I broke.  sorta... Email was never on hold and I was resting on the couch when I ran through a few sub-accounts.  Most are setup for creative projects and only receive daily notices from Twitter.  On any particular day ending in Y, they usually land in the trash unopened.  Tonight of all weeks, I opened one and the headline caught my eye.  It was the first time since Sunday evening I felt tested.  Do I?  I mean it's only opening a web page and I'm not actually opening the app.  But I knew it was still me reading the who & what in that certain layout and it was still my body experiencing the affects.  I froze, staring at the email blurbage that beckoned me to trash all I'd worked for.  In slow motion my fingers found the point on the screen that would take away the entire weeks' worth of clarity.  I clicked and instantly felt weak.  fuck.  It ended up being so stupid and I spent the next 12 hours bummed that decision became my vacation ending reality.  ok life, lesson learned.

oh and in that moment, I really wished Travis was home.


Day 6: Leroy and I had a lovely early morning park date with his two best friends and another 4 from his usual pawd squad.  We haven't been going every Saturday like before and I think we souly needed it.  I watched him be the most puppy - chasing ball, running in puddles, drinking water off a slide, and burying his face in the grass.  I couldn't have asked for a better jump start to shake off the previous night.

Leroy and I got home around 9:30a and we sat in the backyard for a while, he hoping there's something to chase I don't have the back to work blues yet.  In fact, I'm sitting outside in the morning knowing it's my usual first day off but this week is Day 6.  I thought a lot about the week, all that I've done and some I didn't.  I thought about the funny looks I'd get after telling people my plans, both staying at home - not needing a car - being busy.  I didn't care, this wasn't there holiday.


Day 7: This one is just for me.


~~~~~

The last seven days started off meaning one thing, but through each of the experiences, became much deeper.  I realized it was not about deprivation, it was about reminding myself to slow down.  That, in itself, is a huge extension of kindness I don't often grant myself.

This week has been totally worth the wait.