Even now, I shifted attention from writing to turning off the TV / turning on music, but it's still a choice-inducing distraction.
On our walk tonight, I confessed to Travis how I feel hindered by my own creativity. Planning exactly what I want to do, so as to not be wasteful or surprised; limiting the failure is a likely co-conspirator. It's also familiar to how I feel emotionally sometimes. Instead of being excited to learn, I'll over and over think my responses to the point where I'm crippled by them. And now it's another reminder valuable time is lost.
I sit here in a painfully, self-detrimental conversation booth reinforcing this behavior - the sign reads "Limit thy attempts and you shant be considered reckless."
And now I'm exhausted, with eyelids that refuse to stay open. It's been that way since I was little, so why fight this too.