It is weird, isn't it. Memorial services. Despite being ok with the concept of death, I haven't had much experience short of a few special people. One final time to say goodbye but not really because you still have the funeral - I reckon. So outside of showing the customary support, love, respects of the deceased, I don't know what you do. Do you eat? laugh? Take queues from the family about what this person would welcome? Sometimes they don't even get that right. Today I'm going to the memorial of someone I knew in my past. And while I hadn't spoken to him since before cell phones, I'm anxious because there may be a lone memory I'm not ready to experience. I know this isn't about me, but it feels like it...
I've locked most of these people and time away from my current life. I only visit when it's time to share a story. I don't hold on to what I
had because my future isn't that person anymore. I no longer speak to
most of whom I considered family. That will always be then, I am my life now. So it's weird being pulled back into something you're not prepared for.
There are faces I miss, faces I don't. There is one face who
relationshipped with me but when it was over, distanced himself in every
way possible. I hear he's done that with most of that group; maybe we're not so different. There are countless hours of laughs, tears, fights,
love, hate, and everything in between wrapped up in those darling faces. We haven't all been together in nearly 15 years, yet his passing stirs up memories as if it's only been a week.
This guy was intimidating in stature, but always sweet to me. He cared about my well being and made sure all the ladies at those ridiculous house parties were safe. He was and felt like a protector, who was quiet until he needed to speak. Now he's gone and another element of my past has been entombed.
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