Friday nights are often reserved for ordering take out, especially when Travis is home, because it's fun and I don't have to think anymore. Work has been extremely challenging for a number of uninteresting reasons, since Christmas is near and the office is winding down. We ordered thai and both got a dish called Kai Ga-tiam, or garlic "beef" with rice. Trav finished his and I ate just over half, setting the rest under a side table. We started watching Elf: Buddy's Musical Christmas and I grabbed all the things needed to finish wrapping a couple presents.
Because we live to please MyFitnessPal (not really but it is working!) we planned on going to the gym before Trav's 11pm show. He & Leroy napped for a spell while I finished the packages, and we were ready to go around 9pm.
Now I am totally aware of a personal shortcoming, which is often forgetting to put something away. It can be paper, food, a brush, magazines, bills, etc. You name 75 things and I've left a good portion of those out. It's an affliction that's been with me since I can remember and tonight we caught up.
In the commotion of mind, getting ready for the gym, and my shortcoming, I completely forgot to put away the garlic/onion "beef." We went to the gym for 40 minutes and in true fashion, I recalled my error the SECOND we walked through the door. Without fail I snap remember the moment panic swells; why can't that kick in before I leave? But puppy greeted us in the usual sweet way he does. Happy to see us, waggy tail, hoppy, picking up toys, the works. Maybe he just slept, maybe he didn't realize, I told myself. But as I looked toward the table I saw the box pulled from under it.
fuck. He had eaten the remaining rice, some broccoli, some "beef," and some peripheral garlic. There was still food left in the container, including much of the sauce. but fuck. Leroy eats appropriate non-dog food, such as carrots, blueberries and brown rice - so it's no surprise he went for what he did. He doesn't eat a lot of that, but supplemental additions to his kibble. He loves it and gives him different vitamins maybe not normally found in his daily diet. With this though, I know garlic & onions aren't good for dogs, so Travis began looking up possible symptoms while I called the vet emergency line.
I explained what happened. The guy was calm and said it being cooked was likely less an issue than raw, given the small amount he ate, and more likely scenario is he'll have an pupset tummy. We could bring him in for a shot to induce vomiting, but only within the next hour before things started passing. The pupset tummy would likely show up within 12-24 hours, but other symptoms maybe not for a few days.
Now all I can think is what have I done to our boy.
I continued with questions about permanent damage outside the vomiting, and he said there are a few possible side effects, but the vet would have to investigate. Throughout the conversation he never felt we should bring him in unless we wanted to. My mind ran over everything, including what if something is wrong and I don't take him in... Then it's my fault. But he & Travis both felt Leroy would be ok, so I desperately asked those feelings to step aside. I got the number to poison control in case we had more specific questions and the call ended.
I sorta just sat there, processing the information and trying to read Leroy in case there were symptoms I was missing. He was perfect though, just wanted pets, tummy rubs, & to play with his ropey toy. I mean that's awesome deep down, but even that can't eliminate the feeling you've let the two most important boys in your life down. I am half responsible for this little fuzzy creature that I love beyond words and I made a mistake. It could have been an awfully worse mistake - it wasn't, but it could have been. Have I become too careless since he's such a smart boy? In the end, we decided against the shot and to monitor him.
I'm not one to dismiss my errors easily, so naturally the mountain of guilt that arose felt like the weight of 1000 judges reminding me of my failure. I started crying. Not uncontrollable, not inconsolable, but the kind that steady streams out when your entire body has no other means of releasing emotions. Instead of formulating sentences, you can cry and get the same relief.
Let me just tell you, Travis is kind and amazing. He calms me. He insisted Leroy would be ok and went over similar facts the tech did. He pointed out Leroy's playful attitude, hugging him saying does this look like a boy who isn't feeling well? I smiled and said no... sniff... He reminded me to not be so hard on myself, to which of course I argue it was my carelessness that could have really hurt him. He came back saying it was an accident and he's ok, so it should remind both of us to make sure we pick up anything puppy enticing. I got major hugs and felt a little better.
I monitored him the entire night, even falling asleep holding his little puppy paw.
As I complete this entry, almost 24 hours later, he never threw up. He never showed any signs of indigestion or unhappyness. We went for a walk, even to the puppy park for an hour... everything seems to be right in the world of Leroy. The only remnant that actually put a smile on my face, was finding a rice grain in his beard. That happens to Travis too. :-)
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This will likely be the closest thing to parenthood I get. And I made a mistake, but Leroy won't slam a door in my face when he's 16 because of it. So I can't imagine going through this routine time and time again with a humanoid, the ups and downs of errors that will ring through my brain asking whether this will mess him up for life. I don't know how I could handle that, knowing the feeling I just went through. There are other reasons I don't want to have kids, but this cycle is certainly a big check in the negative box. I now being scared isn't a reason to never do something, but it does make you think...
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