Day 4: The Pineapple Tree Of Infamy (May 19)

Travis took the lead on finding activities for us to do while on vacation.  I had a short list, then left the rest up to him.  He presented plans, we agreed together, and so I knew he'd booked this little excursion... on a boat... TO SWIM WITH SHARKS!!  The plan was to snorkel float in a metal cage for 10 minutes, while the sharks did their thing.  I truly thought it sounded awesome!  I also agreed because the company does lots of great environmental work to sustain the ocean & junk, so I felt our impact would be kept to a minimum.

But that enthusiasm was back when I was sitting in our office.  Suddenly as May 19 drew near, I begun to get nervous.  A little because of the sharks, yes, but more so about being in cold water.  Wait, don't laugh yet.  When I get cold, I start to shiver, my body tenses up, and I become a ball of anxious turnovers.  And for already having a heightened sense of alert, that wouldn't help the situation.  Plus in my mind sharks can dig your vibes, so they'd become agitated and then suddenly I've lost my good side.

We bought waterproof cellphone holders and everything to take pictures.  I love thinking the sharks are like, look at these fools... let's give 'em a show.  queue a shark's roar.  But hey, when will I have this moment again?

Mentally preparing for something unnatural isn't easy for me.  I think and plan and analyze and play out different scenarios in my head, hoping to work through as much of the apprehension as possible.  What I'm saying is "I'm a do something scary spontaneous" hoot.

But alas, it wasn't meant to be.  About 2 hours before our meet time, they texted everyone saying all tours were cancelled that day because of bad weather.  My appendages will remain in tact, for now.



THE MORNING: We got up early to visit the Pearl Harbor USS Arizona memorial before our make out session with the sharks.  I appreciate the history lesson because I heart learning, but here's my impression - which is shut up, my opinion.  I wish there was a suggestion box on the exit because I feel there are great opportunities for improvement.  The video was informative, they are organized, the memorial & grounds beautiful, but they didn't quite reflect all sides of the story and the gift shop seemed disrespectful.  $50 Hawaiian shirts, playing cards with photos of the attack, baseballs, golf balls, key chains, snow globes, candy, puzzles, totes, pins, patches, jewelry, golf visors, on and on and on...  It was like they ordered every cliche thing from Gift Shop Quarterly magazine and slapped a submarine on it.  Or in some cases, a sunken one.  I get it, selling goods to help fund the operation is par for the course.  But this just felt extra cheesy.  And I don't even actually care, it just seems like there is a better way.

Also, while taking the boat to the floating memorial, I sat behind this chick and became super fascinated by her tattoo.  She'll never know she's been immortalized in this journal. ;-)

THE DOLE PINEAPPLE PLANTATION:  I'm sorry, did you know pineapples grow on bushes?!  Did you know there is no such thing as a pineapple tree??!  Are Travis and I the only ones on the planet who were oblivious to these facts.  WTF!?  Like how is it, our entire lives, we thought machete warriors were swinging from limbs, hoisting down the sweet fruit.

It's actually a cool place to spend a few hours in.  A bit kitschy, bit informative & filled with smiles.  Pineapple shaped handles, pineapple shaped cut outs above the patio, giftshop with every shade of yellow, orange and green imaginable.  There were kids from a local preschool on a tour, even singing songs about pineapples!! And when the conductor from the Pineapple Express train yelled aloha, they answered back in unison.  I don't care for kids, but these little ones were extra squishy cute.

We learned you grow new pineapple bushes by twisting the top notch off a pineapple, placing it in water for a few days until roots are established, then plant.  Give it vitamins & water, and boom, in two short years you'll have one pineapple.  Then in another twelve months, one more pineapple.  How do they not cost $75 a piece?  We were actually watching an info lesson from a master pineapple specialist (who later was also a giftshop cashier) when shark encounter dudes texted us of the cancellation.  Suddenly we had gobs of time to spend and I was kinda stoked.

Then there was the maze.  That fucking maze. A hot, dry, tall encroaching shape of brush and trees, ready to defeat every sense of your determination.  I wanted to see the farm, but I REALLY wanted to attempt one of the worlds largest mazes.  Which just so happens to be shaped like a rectangle... no wait, a pineapple!

You must find 8 hidden stencils and if you do that in under 10 minutes, you win a prize.  I imagine the prize is a free trip through again, just to mess with your mind.  There is no set route and you can technically leave through any number of designated exits, because getting all 8 on your punch card doesn't get you shit.  Maybe a sense of accomplishment; maybe a brush with madness.

After 45 minutes and only 4 found, we muscled our way through a Clark reserved exit.  Because screw you puzzle {shakes fist,} we don't need you.

THE EATS: Ate lunch at The Beet Box Cafe again; dinner from the Loving Hut aka Culty McSupper Pants.



THE AFTERNOON: Went to a tiny roadside coffee farm, called Green World Coffee.  With all the unknowingness for us and how pineapples are harvested, did you know coffee comes from the berries of a bushy tree thing?  Did you know the fruit is edible?  This is one thing we DID know, which felt smart compared to the morning.

THE HIKES: Manoa Falls Trail, which has been home to filmings of Jurassic Park and Lost.  Maybe the actual ending to Lost ended up at the bottom of the pool... At the end of the day, we had walked over 10 miles on our foot ponies.