Friend Dating

Remember back in school when every, single, day was filled with the smiles and sounds of your friends?  You'd talk between classes, pass notes during, and hangout on the phone for hours with your feet up in the air until dinner was ready?  I miss that.  terribly.  And despite computing several possible algorithms and carrying the one, that's the precise element of youth I don't know how to retain.  School - yeah, that sucked sometimes.  But it was everything else throughout the day which made our lives what they were. 

I've been brawling silently in my head to accept these people I still greatly love aren't around everyday.  I bear the absent closeness that comes only from that.  I miss being asked how I'm doing or hearing a "fuck them" when I'm sad.  have a hug.  There is no longer a set of hours allotted per week to the important task at hand.  No 15 minute snack periods, no 60 minute lunches on the grass, no ditching class and running to the abandoned house across the street... It's all gone.

I remember the kids a few years out of high school would bitch about their new found responsibilities, but they never mentioned the time reduction around friends.  Actually, I concede, you can't possibly know at that age, like with so many things.  So the perpetual youngin' in me who refuses to acknowledge life can't always be that simple, is mournful.  That whole concept begins to wither from our reality the day we graduate.  And yet here we are... or at least here I am.  Struggling to feel connected with the people that mean the most.

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Because I've never been a person to have scores of breathers around me,  I practice the "better people equals less people" model.  So with fewer bodies comes a greater importance put upon thy friendships.  Especially with chicks, I kinda always fell into the 'guys girl' role, so now I fully appreciate ten fold the brilliant, shiny ladies in my life.  And the ones I hope to meet.  I'm encouraged by their actions and learn like a classy sponge, on spectrum's both positive & negative.  It fuels me despite never getting enough.  But I can't put unexpected pressure on any friend when this is what I'm having to figure out; the mutual expectations are a process defined over time.  And I will forever respect that unwritten decree because it's right.  And sure it seems uninterrupted with a spouse or someone sharing your home.  But you can't rely on a single person to fulfill every emotional need because that's not fair.

Most chums part ways unless you live in a mega small town and are super cool staying in your birth hood.  But that's not common, so hopefully the good ones leave in geography only.  And for those, the deep roots can't be severed by a bumpy terrain or a few missed phone calls.  Yet where does this leave me in the course of regular existencing?

Friend dating.

We should all friend date as adults.  When you want good people in your life you screen out the riff-raff, no?  You do it when looking romantically, so why not for all the other best parts of a person.  We've established seconds are precious, so I want to surround myself with only the best.  And just like with lovey dating, you're deciding whether this being (or pair of beings) is an awesome addition to your life.  Wherever or however you meet, it's all the same people!  Nothing is different yet it is.  Are you compatible, enjoy similar hobbies, share a sense of humour, pose thoughtful questions, what's acceptable, what isn't, what are you comfortable with doing at sleepovers.  Do they make me better!

Social media marginally bridges the dating gap, but certainly doesn't give an entire picture.  As the face-to-face is exchanged for an online discovery of personality, our new "friend" or "follower" can lead us to believe a skewed perception of their life.  Like are you trying to convince me or yourself... That's not something I do or project, because my opinions of someone are based in fact, although I understand how it could happen.  get off my lawn.  I like to believe posts and tweets and photos are meant to enhance the personality you meet, rather than transform it.  But peoples is peoples, so if any janky shit starts being tossed, better to know & decide early.

So now there's all this noise associated with a budding friendship; maybe more so in my own head.  I only gravitate to a small number of people, so when I feel our vibes are compatible I become a bumbly goof.  Just like a lover, I want to say the right thing, make them laugh, have them enjoy me like I enjoy them.  I savor their company, but I don't want to bother them.  Should I call/not call, I want to text this funny thing but maybe that's over the line because they don't feel the same - or they don't work the same.  Shit, I'm over-dissecting again, aren't I.  Round and round until my brain says "calm down silly.  friends are simply lovers without the spectacle."  Which makes me laugh and I relax.

I want to find a happy medium between recapturing what used to be, what I truly need, and what is realistic.  I want to hear I'm not alone.  That despite work, kids, appointments, errands, and all the things, with a little effort you and me can thrive together amongst the chaos.

Or at least get to first base. ;-)