Construction Juntion: The Lady Doth Expose Herself

It's been 3 1/2 years since we purchased the house, knowing the roof was the top half achilles heal; the bottom half the yard.  And today she'll undergo major surgery as we rip off the head!

You may think pffft, it's a roof.  who cares.  But picture each time it rains, the potential for the water that should remain outside, comes inside and you look around and think of all the damage something so precious can do and because fuck off California needs it desperately.  You want but don't want.  And this week marks the transition from don't want to WANT.  But WANT it all in the ways I hope it's normal environmental rain and not the scary climate change rain, which we know is happening and that makes me furious and yet in my own way I'm helping by choosing materials that support sustainability rather than pollution, ok.

At this moment the contractors are starting to peel back the dusty layers, revealing what sexy undercarriage has been waiting to breathe.  I hope it's pretty and only marginally smelly.  Noisy as all get up though, which should be fun as I work from home this week.  I hear lots of clanging and what I'm 100% convinced to be a tiny roller coaster, but they are testing the tracks so there's no teensy people screaming and putting their hands up.

~~~~~

Funny, although I'm beyond excited for the work this week, I honestly thought the entire job would be done by now.  That skewed expectation of time is another bummer lesson I've now fully learned.  Have a plan, but expect delays.  It's a bummer, but not the huge disappointment I once would have felt.  Which is pretty swell, but almost to a point that seems wrong.  Like my mind is trying to instigate chaos by hinting I should be feeling something I'm not.  silly right?  I am quite proud that shift in energy happened months ago because as I sit here alone in the house, with the drills and the pounding and the worrying about my citrus trees - the anxiousness is completely manageable.  Normally Travis is the calming voice of reason when I need it, but he's taken puppy to his parents for both their comfortability.  And I feel beyond ok, even though it's just me, some dudes & my project management skillity skillz.  Doesn't mean I'll stop fantasizing about the home equity account being empty, the drought beautiful plants & vegetables buzzing with bloom and cold ice tea sliding down our guzzlets.  It's just means I'm cucumber cool with chilling that vision short term.

UPDATES, HOW FUN!!!  At 9:32am I found out the lead roofer called in sick and the coordinator sent an email but I never received it and thus, I'm a calmly workin' gherkin.

~~~~~

BUT NEW BLACK METAL ROOF! just not starting today.  \m/

Construction Junction: What's Your Dysfunction

It's been a few months since I've been able to write about the renovation, although my mind hasn't been cleared of the deadline.  When I was finishing the last entry, a few gremlins collectively pressed the red button and ev-ree-thing exploded.  They must have had a good laugh.  Crying and hammering down what words I could remember suddenly made documenting the progress less enticing.  Or maybe my subconscious felt the blast was a metaphor for something I still have yet to understand.  Either way, the posting schedule shifted in favor of other things.

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It's the middle of July now and I'm feeling the sweaty, uncomfortable pain of being a construction virgin.  Why isn't X calling?  Did X lie to me?  I don't know if I'm doing this right!  And because you all know me in some kind of intimate way, here's the haps:


ACES

• At the end of June, our refinance and home equity line of credit closed!  Toodleoo, stupid PMI insurance, you can go bother someone else now please.  Howdy ho, low fixed rate home equity loan.  ALL THIS, A LOWER PAYMENT AND WE GET NEW SHIT!?!  $$ chu-ching, bitches $$
• Our landscape architect has given us a lovely set of design plans.  This dude was also a dwelling architect, so he can visualize both sides coming together like cereal and Saturday Morning Cartoons.  YIPPEEE!  There's a color theme, vegetable beds, herb pots, outdoor dining, gobs of bee catnip, plants requiring little water, and a schmancy fence for our boy Leroy.   Once we, ahem I, understood the true cost of remodeling several thousand square feet of yard, we chopped that in half, stuck with the front, and the momentum realigned.
• After many days of holding samples up outside, we've chosen a metal shake roof, color is obviously Charcoal.  \m/
• After many days of swapping and staring and holding samples up outside, we're currently narrowed down the paint colors to a trifecta for the home/windows/trim.  Anonymous / Riverway / Tricorn Black OR Anonymous / Riverway / Black Fox.  obviously.

BOLLOCKS

• Our general contractor, who is a family friend, had some recent health problems.  So the one dude who's been extra helpful and on our side, is partially down for the count.  Beyond anything we want him to be healthy, and rested, and ok!  But when you're right in the thick of things, suddenly you don't know how to proceed.  We've spoken periodically and because he's getting stronger every day, we're able to work within his schedule.  whew.
• The initial roof bid was fantastic!  But last Monday he put on his bummer pants because the salesman calculated the sizing wrong.  damn.  This guy knows his stuff, we truly believe it was a mistake and not a bogus measure & switch.  I even rushed to vet another company just in case, but they were scattered & condescendingly not helpful, plus their estimate was more then double.  So until our GC either offers another solution or says you're golden, we're in a holding pattern.

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We can prepare, gather & educate ourselves to the point of exhaustion, but since every job is different, asking for advice will only get Travis and I so far.  Ultimately it comes down to getting dirty, and possibly learning the hard way, the rest on our own.  Which I'm totally prepared to do, because we plow on as two, optimistically smart humans.

But there are numerous shifting pieces and we haven't even dropped a single nail yet.  I do loves me some organizing, yet I'll admit there's a lot to manage.  Some people can afford, or even want, the contracting company's role to be "don't bother me kid, just execute."  Others have an exact vision and say "don't bother me with your ideas kid, just execute."  And then there's the rest of us.  The inbetweeners; The participators.  We can describe our style, enjoy the collaboration, make sure specific elements are included and willing to handle some labor.  Yet need that outside voice to influence where necessary and help weave the seams into a beautiful view.

Luckily, the two companies we're currently working with are extremely patient & supportive: answering questions, setting expectations and defining the responsibility line.  Basically putting my mind at ease, even though I may forget they've done so.  The team you entrust should enhance your weakness' and celebrate your strengths.  

That's the tops!

***

For the roof, we can't do much except pick a style and color.  For the landscaping, however, we are involved with foliage options, colors, decor, style, siding, trees, seating... Should this MOD planter be turquoise, red or orange?  Should the ground cover be flat or spunky?  What stain do we choose?  Must we cut back the overhang because honestly what difference will it make?  We have to find lighting and a doorbell button and house numbers and a mailbox...  Did I mention there's boatloads more?

I've fought some anxiety associated to the number of decisions this process has already required because I don't want to misuse the dollars we've allocated.  Especially when you're looking online at the rabbit hole of information that floods mine eyes, there seems no end in sight.  I could honestly dedicate each workday to just putting together "the idea" and still have more to go.  In those moments, I wrestle with the fantasy of handing the entire thing off.  I would lose some control, but maybe in a stressful situation that's ok?  nah, who am I kidding... I know me.  I couldn't give up that easily because then I wouldn't learn.  And learning I crave.  Sure, maybe I'd gain time back in my diary, but I would always question what the outcome would have been.... instead of what it becomes.

Some days I can't wait to start and others I wanna run away because everything is moving too fast.  Which I'm sure is normal, so I guess better to get wet with an outdoor project vs. indoors where you're doubley disrupted.  And finally being able to write down the events that have occurred over the last few months does nicely illustrate more positives then negatives.

Because when you're gonna blow your equity wad, you may only get one shot.

A Foundational Discovey, Part 3: Like Oil and Water and No

I started this post weeks ago, but as per usual, sat on it because I doubted the validity of what I had to say.  But things are happening! and I should be less silly.  It consolidated three very different drafts over three very different days, into one blocketed entry.  The first sentence you'd read set the tone for understanding each emotional moment's when and why.  Block A: excitement our appraisal was rad.  Block B: gloomy the initial landscape bid was more than anticipated.  Block C: Going through each up and down, climbing to the other side with a prosperous outlook once again.  I captured those word-for-word entries that were jumbled, half-thoughts really, and consolidated them.  It took everything to not tweak a word or correct a spelling when I re-read, knowing they'd be innocently judged.  I understood the importance of showing the evolution though, if nothing more than for me.
 
And then every word disappeared in less time than it took to write disappear.  Gone were the phrases I struggled with for weeks to make sense, the neat way that sentiment came together, the point of view I wanted to convey.  Gone were the snapshots of thoughts I would never get back.  gone, gone, gone because of some stupid, random series of split second coincidences.

My guts sank inside to a depth I hadn't felt in a long time; I'd been emotionally robbed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I write this, some time has past since it was lost.  Trying my best to replace what I liked and build the rest upon the gnarled, fighting pixels that remained.

March 31: The entry would offer how I finally uncovered what type of home we actually had, which is a Minimal Traditional.  It's plain, solid sticks were built for the returning WWII vets and their families.  Yup, Craftsmen and Case Study are magnificently rad, but this is something we can truly mold to us.  Weaving our chapter into the continuing story by reflecting upon the beauty of her youth, while creating a lovely & swell update for now.

The appraisal came back on the house and it was fantastic.  Enough for us to refinance our loan and eliminate the ridiculous mortgage insurance, while still having cashola for improvements.  Not as much as I hoped, but nothing to scoff at either.  We can do the things we need, some we want, and that's tops.

The lunch on March 31 felt different, sun beamed particularly optimistic.  I leaned way back in a patio chair, which rests upon those nasty, white rocks, and smiled.  I was so proud for how far we'd come.  My eyes fixated and unfocused at the dirt & grass shards before me; staring downward into this future, as if it were some sort of magic eye poster.  The means to an end was now a thing.

And then everything separated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

April 1:  A simple miscommunication latched onto 3 years worth of financially ignorant daydreaming.  I folded up my happy pants and bought a ticket to sad town.

I mostly blame the home shows though for contributing to quite the unrealistic perception machine.  How they pretend it's so easy and edit out the reality how much is provided gratis.  Some of that is still on me and will not happen again, but I won't dismiss their part either.  For all the manual & mental efforts to see this seed develop, it was wilting before I even had the chance to kill it.

Travis and I went on a walk to discuss those last 24 hours.  I was kinda upset at myself for getting caught up in the excitement of having a completely redone front & backyard.  Pushing reasonableness aside and expecting the keys to the Chase Manhattan bank.  My vision narrowed and I lost sight to the fact many of our ideas were still totally going to happen.  Yet because the entire checklist was no longer an option, my grey friend suggested I must have somehow failed...  silly.

Trav sympathized, but couldn't fully understand why I was significantly bummed.  Sure, we both want the yard to be inviting, and he likes gardening too, but it's really my thing.  So going back to his practical stance, he's simply not as emotionally invested as I was.  So I shared examples more relevant to his deep interests and he got it.  Close your eyes and picture a hobby you totally dig.  Now think about that hobby being supported in a way that would allow you to do it whenever, only steps from your door.  Where you could develop, play and share it with friends - wouldn't you say yes?

In the end, turns out I needed a reset - otherwise nothing would ever have been good enough.  And that's not what any of this is about, so I'm glad it happened now, rather than later.  While it was tough, it was an essential conversation to have and we both felt better.

And then everything united.

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April-May ish, something or whatever:

I don't want this to come across as selfish or whiney, so if those thoughts have risen, I kindly ask to please shut your pie hole.  No question, we're doing this for us: privacy, fencing for puppy, envious curb appeal - duh.  But we're also cheerleaders for sustaining friendships and the environment; a place to listen to birds, essential low water needs, organic garden beds, helping the bee populous, and contributing sustainably to our teensy society through home grown food & laughter.  Why shouldn't we do something about that, in an aesthetically pleasing way?

So we are!  And you get to see the madness unfold...

A Foundational Discovery, Part 2: The Results Are In

Read: A Foundational Discovery, Part 1 first.  If you want... whatever. no pressure.

I have finally and overwhelmingly embraced the idea of hiring a complimenting landscape architect to help execute our ideas, and a few of their own, into a beautiful space.  I was so resistant previously, because as I said in Part 1- I was feeling like some sort of failure for not being able to do it myself.  Considering how that original entry was posted seven months ago*, I can't even fathom that versioned mindset now.  I realized it had gotten to a point where my time too valuable, my mind too close to the project, and there was just no getting ahead.  so help!

Between then and now, we've gone through a lot, both with our ideas and life.  But as I posted the other day, our accountant recommended we explore getting a refinance.  If everything were to go as planned, it would allow us to drop the private mortgage insurance (saving hundreds of flowers) and take out a home equity line of credit.  STOKED!!  That means (drum roll) WE CAN THEN HIRE MY TEMPORARY BFF's, THE LANDSCAPE ARCHITECTS! WOOOOOOOOOO!!  capitals...

We recently met with a fantastic landscaping company, who only works in organic materials & electric machines.  That's right baby, elec-tri-citee.  I found them through the calling of several other companies who no longer were doing landscaping, although their sites were still up.  Thank goodness because they had never come up during all my countless searches (people please figure out your online buisnessey presence.)  We've had a few walk throughs, gathering this idea and that - it was so stupidly exciting.  They also asked we upload photos we like - describing why - through the home site Houzz, using a privately shared look book.  It allows them to see our vision come together with theirs, in a much more collaborative way.  Kick ass technology!  And when the discussion point turned to our desire for lots of dedicated garden bed space, it made my legs went weak.  I would finally have all the room needed to grow what we want, in order to be more sustainable.  Are you kidding?  That AND having a beautiful space to call our own?  wipes hands and done.  If you're not into gardening, think of whatever your favorite activity is, and having the ability for someone to come in and let you do it right in the comforts of your own home.  Everyday, whenever you want.  Yes.  Please.

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So, not 15 minutes ago this morning, I saw our loan managers name come through on email, the subject said "Appraisal."  I held my breath.  Did they need more information, did it came back awful and I'm going to cry, or had all the hard work the other day actually paid off.  I clicked read, invisibly holding my hands with flared fingers over my eyes - wanting but not wanting to see what it said.  It was short, sweet and to the point.  We got a GREAT FUCKING APPRAISAL and will have money for the home equity loan!

PLAY MUSIC!
QUEUE FLASHPOTS!!
DROP TICKER TAPES!!!
CALL UP THE GUYS AND SAY DO IT!!!!

I am so over the moon happy, I cannot believe it.  The rise and fall of emotions from opening the email, to seeing the final amount, to having the loan numbers one by one click into place within my brain - it's a triumphant feeling I can't accurately express at 7:58am.  It's too soonly real and I don't want to give in an injustice by spinning words.

Just know this bird is happy.


* oh god, 7 months ago!  It wasn't my intent to wait so long, but in hindsight, glad I did.  That entry would have been very wordy & very different.

A Foundational Discovery, Part 1: The Backstory

Travis and I purchased our first place 2 years ago.

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Going out each weekend with our realtor, we saw almost 40 houses before two great places jumped.  Benefit of a buyers market.  The first had charm with a beautiful yard in our desired neighborhood, but it was barely steps bigger than our apartment and over budget.  The second was spacious with a large kitchen, on a quiet street in our second choice neighborhood, but only had two bedrooms and the back yard was junk.

We originally chose the first house because of #1 A.OK. location, but when that couples realtor insulted us by saying "their offer doesn't stand a chance," we said well fuck you and your small... square feet*.  The second home accepted our offer right away, even with an under-asking price and all closing costs paid.  That's right bitches!  I can negotiate!!!   * That couple got theirs: that same realtor called 30 days later, wondering if we were still interested because they were dropping the price because no offers had come in.  HA!

house 1

house 2

We knew cosmetic elements were needed inside - paint, curtains, art, the Clarks' touch, etc.  The floors are in great shape, walls solid and everything is well constructed.  It's just the kitchen cabinets and bathroom counters wouldn't be the finishes we'd choose today.  But again, nothing was wrong and those changes will come later.  My focus was the yard.

During this time, my mother in law offered to help us plant, tidy and reinvigorate the outside living space that had been dutifully neglected.  She had many years of experience and at one point, studied to be a geologist!  I credit her with giving me two things I totally dig: foliage and Travis.  awww... gross.  I fell for both though, hard.  After her tips & tricks, I set out on my own.  You'd find me in the front / back every weekend, trying to keep up with the green Jones'.  Today, I can truthfully say, I've been working in that yard for more time than I care to think about.  And I'm done.

The last 12 months, I've fought a 100-foot rage tree which housed 20 pound seed pods, spawned two giant rage logs, got poked numerous times by one nasty, bitter old mediterranean palm, chopped 4 misguided & diseased queen palms, unearthed AND moved thousands of pounds of white sparkle rocks (with thousands more to go,) destroyed weed city in the back lawn, had the front lawn die, manually trimmed all 9 of our old timey awesome Camellias plants, busted up oodles of strange bricks, removed the spikiest succulent cactus' one could imagine, found random painted blue objects buried in the dirt, had all 5 rose bushes kink out because of something, plus about 100 other things.  And after all this, it still feels like I've done nothing.  Like I look at the yard and think WTF Brandi, it still looks like junk.  That stinks.

Then there's the detached garage.  It's had numerous bouts of termites, mold within the walls, the back wall is half missing, and we continually snip hundreds of vines growing up from our neighbors ground, each who have fould their way into the rafters.  mother fu...

But there are positives my friend!  I LEARNED so much.  I'm talking ginormous amounts of information.  About time management, the care of plants, growing habits, organic vitamins, herbs, bulbs, sun influencials, mulch, scale, layout and thinking I may go to school for landscape design one day.  That's a pretty rad, unexpected outcome!  Do I wish I could have gained this knowledge not having been through all the above - YES - but a couple years of pain is the springboard to a lifetime of knowledge!  Plus, when I can sit back and peek at the things thriving, I am way proud.

limes

zucchini and mega hot peppers

I have become so invested, almost obsessive, in this vision to better our home.  I think about it all the time; I want to talk ideas all the time.  I want to be the envy of the neighborhood instead of the gentle eye sore.  But it's not a fleeting hobby, it's about enhancing the time Travis, Leroy and I can spend together that pushes me.  Spending time outdoors, which Leroy loves, or indoors in a comfortable space - I don't want to feel beholden to the dirt by spending hours each weekend, working towards an unknown game plan.  I am slowly learning to let go of feeling I must do everything myself or be some sort of failure.

I don't want to resent it; I want to enjoy it.  So I had an idea...