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That morning I was on my way to work with a vanpool of colleagues. It was 6 or 7am something, I had just fallen asleep to KRTH 101, the station the driver mostly listened to. I woke up to murmurs of confusion and a discussion of the "Twin Towers," by both the morning DJs and the immediate people around me. I had no idea what they were talking about, let alone picturing something crashing into them. I was the youngest on the van by at least 20 years. They were kind and tried explaining the building, the history, and why this was such a catastrophic event. I understood the concept, but had no frame of reference to understand the magnitude. A plane hitting something sounded like an accident, so other than it being a disaster, I wasn't understanding the air of chaos. I felt it but couldn't wrap my head around it. I had never been to NYC, never knew anyone who had, never watched documentaries on the city, never heard of the building, never knew that type of violence, etc. How can you be frightened by something you know nothing about?
To give context, at the time, domestic or worldly affairs didn't interest me. It wasn't a concern or focus - I was 20 and still mostly thought about toys, boys and what I was doing that weekend. It seems absurd now to think how sheltered and partially uneducated that brain version was. Not saying it was right or wrong, just saying. Today I am a much different person; I understand politics and take a pretty decent interest in worthy news. But then, not so much.
When we arrived at work, the chaos had grown to panic. People everywhere looking up into the sky, pointing, running across streets, wondering aimlessly, cars honking, streets jammed, and a sense of mayhem was everywhere. I'd never seen anything like it then or since. The vibe was thick and slow like molasses. I won't say what I did during this time because then you'd know what I do now and I don't talk about that. But for the next year plus some change, I felt the disruption daily from colleagues. With their questions, their panic, their anxiety, their trepidation, their ideas - day in, day out. It never stopped and I was overwhelmed. I started resenting the phone, the internet, interactions with people in general because I couldn't help anyone. Everyone wanted a simple answer to a revolving question. I became fiercely bitter by everything post because these people were making me react to something I didn't grasp. I retreated.
It took quite some time to emerge from that nasty cocoon, but over that next year, I was heavily educated by my organization on preparedness. And let me tell you a positive for those who skoff at practicing safety drills. Because the Twin Towers were diligent in their building safety efforts, thousands more lives were saved that day because they did what they were taught. I found some comparison study between the 1993 attacks and 2001 - kinda interesting.
But it's not to say I lack compassion. Quest the opposite - I have complete and utter sympathy for the families affected by the ones who lost their lives by the planes, in the planes, surrounding buildings, first responders, the animals, and all the terrible health effects we are still discovering now. Because only a couple people accepted that fate, it's not fair the others were taken short.
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Today, 13 years later, I still fall back into this numb existence regarding the event. It certainly affects me more today than it ever did then, because I'm more mature. More experienced to see the affects actions have on a society. And I understand the impact. But I cannot mentally share the same level of grief as I've seen others bear over the years, whether they were at ground zero, near it, in NYC proper or in Los Angeles. I just wish them peace.
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Today, I woke up knowing it was anniversary 13. I also woke up excited I was getting a haircut. I thirdly also decided to take Leroy to the Batcave hike. I planned these things not because I lack empathy, but because life continues. People who have passed still want loved ones to be happy. To laugh, to experience, to celebrate the life they shared together instead of dwell on what cannot be changed. However each of us gets to the final stage.
Going to the Batcave had no significance other than spending alone time with pups in a cool place. There were only a few people there because it's a Thursday, so it was us amongst the rocks. We met some very silly dogs and ran though the cave countless times. That is what makes me happy today.
Remember something lovely about a person you miss today.
Put a smile on your face and a strangers, by doing something kind today.
But dudes - our time is short, so don't waste it being a miserable jerk today... or any day. {see above two points}
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