After I moved out, Tasha stayed with my folks because there was a no dog policy. I could also never deny her roaming a large yard, with plenty of birds to chase. I visited often and it worked. Subsequent apartments were the same policy, no pets, but again with the visiting. And the house Travis and I purchased had a small yard, but Tasha was over 13 years old and starting to have senior lady moments - so it was better she stay in the environment she was used to. Again, I visited her often and it worked.
She had a great life start with that boyfriend, his family and their other dogs, who loved her tremendously. She was the first dog I trained to stay indoors with me and she was the first pup I grew up with as an older kid/adult. It gave me an emotional bond I hadn't felt before and a new respect for co-parenting.
She was an amazing dog and I miss her.
I was at my desk all of Monday morning, multi-tasking phone calls and quick department chats, nothing of importance. Travis and I weren't having lunch like usual because he was with a friend, doing Travissy things. I went home a bit later than usual so Leroy wouldn't be by himself as long, and nothing of importance happened. I was back at work for like 30 minutes when my 2pm meeting reminder with the boss lady popped up. Off I went and nothing of importance happened. I get back to my desk, hoping there was a voicemail from Trav as I was eager to hear about his day. Red light jackpot - VM!
I punched the pass code and it chimed I had 2 unread messages. The first was from Travis, asking I call him back for the scoop. The second, was from my dad, who gulp, never calls. He spent a somber toned minute asking if I would return his call, as there was a passing of a family member (I'm thinking something suddenly happened to his brother or my aunt or any number of relatives I don't know.) I was bringing the receiver towards the base thinking it was almost over and I'd call back to comfort my parents in some capacity, when he casually mentioned "sometimes we just need to do these things." I stopped breathing. Did he just fucking say that? On voicemail? He didn't have to spell it out, I knew exactly what he meant. It was the same thing he said about my other dog Floppee. They unexpectedly put her to sleep and told me after the fact.
I just sat there, thinking about her, but it wasn't real yet. How could they do this to me again. My brain calculated the importance of filtering this information, while keeping externally composed. I wanted to talk with Travis about his day. I knew he and his friend were discussing important things, so on par with most other deaths in my life, I didn't want to think about it. We talked through what happened at his lunch and it was really positive. I was happy for that news; I needed it. Only at the end did I mention the other call. He was immediately comforting, compassionate and wanted me to make sure that's what the news was. I knew, but I said I'd call them back. I felt grey around me, sitting in my office with the door closed, getting ready to dial the inevitable.
My mom answered after more rings than usual so I thought maybe she was outdoors. But when I heard her most common phrase, "let me mute the TV," it was obvious she considered ignoring the call. Again, I knew. I could have hung up the phone and cried. I let there be silence for another few moments as I set the sadness aside and prepared to hear what happened. I also needed time to compose my response.
Her own somber tone rode the invisible waves into my ear while she recounted the events. Tasha had been having trouble getting up, even walking, not eating and a few other things I don't remember now. They called the vet and they could see her that morning and it's all very humane... they take her back... she's in a better place now... Why the fuck are you telling me the technical way this goes down, I know and I don't care. you have nothing else of importance to say was my only rationale.
Silence. I didn't react, didn't yell, didn't curse, didn't cry... nothing. I guess all this executivey training pays off when all you want to do is REACT. But your mind first goes to being the bigger person or you're then part of the problem. I sat in silence while all the emotions came pouring through the grey noodles, down into my heart.
I calmly asked when did she start having problems walking, eating, etc. cuz you haven't been telling me anything other than she's good. She said it's been going on a while. It appeared she was feeling better but on Monday morning was bad.
I'm sitting there in shock trying to process all of the everything that was just dumped on me over the last 10 minutes. I mean we all know this is the sucky part of life, but you never told me any of these problems. Not once. Not after the millionth time of me asking how Tasha was doing, did you say anything. And a week ago Mother's Day, you said nothing. And few days ago you were at Stateline gambling. And even after that you called to tell me don't feed jerky sticks from China to Leroy because they're making dogs sick. and nothing. All I could think about was how long it had been happening, with no consideration of my feelings to even tell me.
Back when Floppee passed I asked them to never do that with Tasha. At least consult me, so I can help weigh in on the decisions regarding my dog. Let ME decide if I want to visit her now or have my memories, but don't make that decision for me. I know they are with her day to day, so I always told them I understood them making the decision if her health is failing. I never want her to suffer either. never. But it doesn't excuse the facts of how the events played out. And especially not on voicemail.
I miss her...
I wrote them an email because I can't hear their voices right now. I re-explained my feelings about this because their lack of understanding & consideration for me has been a long standing issue (which I'll write more about later.) I know that's why this hurts even more. With Travis' suggestion, I waited a few days before sending it. They've called, emailed their original notion of why (I get it already and that was never my problem. But you reiterating to me only solidifies you don't get it.) She even wrote this morning saying eBay was hacked and I needed to change my password. really? this is important right now? {shoulder huff} So I proofread it again and sent along my thoughts. I wasn't harsh or mean or yelly, just stated facts and ended with "Tasha was just another thing I was being hurt with and that's hard and I need some time."
Tasha maybe 3 months old.
Tasha and Bonnie, one of the boyfriends other dogs. Bonnie loved Tasha like her own puppers and Tasha was uber sad when Bonnie passed. She would stare to the backyard where Bonnie liked to hang out, looking for her friend. <3
The boyfriends other dogs (L, T-B)
Bubbles, Bonnie, Tasha, Yai (ใหญ่ means big in Thai)
I took Tasha to get "studio" portraits at a pet store. They were awesome and got the best reactions out of her. I remember her most this way and this photo has been on my desk ever since I went corporate.
Floppee. <3
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