Grocery etiquette.

Oh Whole Foods, you never cease to help me say “You can all fuck off.”

Tonight, while I unloaded my hand-grocery basket onto the conveyer, two chicks decided I wasn’t really in line yet and went ahead of me without asking.  Now listen, I’m a classy lady so I let it go.  I even let it go when they both looked at me, my eyes instantly judging them while they instantly turned guilty.  The Whole Foods I frequent has floor to ceiling columns next to each register, where last minute impulse buys are ready for the taking.  So it was possible they didn’t see me, but nope, see prior sentence.

But it kept poking at me.  On my turn, I asked the checker if that was new etiquette policy, describing what happened. He said no way & how sorry he was he didn’t see it happen.  If they do, they always send those people to the end of the line.  I thanked him for understanding.  As I walked back to my car, lo and behold, there were the two chicks starting to back out of their parking space.  And in my mind, they must have been parked liked jerks at a funky angle, because, c’mon, of course they were.  In seeing a one-time opportunity, I decided to get back at them in my own, sweet way.

I scooted past the car so I was able to walk in the middle of the drive path, holding my groceries.  Of course, normally these people frustrate me – like you know there’s a car behind you, just walk to the side!!  But tonight, it’s in my favor.  I walked slow and confusedly looked for my car.  And oh no, dropped some cereal and yogurt from my bag.  I could feel the anger permeate the metal and head in my direction.  Which was awesome.  I slowly put all the goodies back into my bag and casually made my way to the car, and they eventually sped off.

Don’t fuck with me ladies.