It was just right...
We had conversations early on about marriage, casually over the course of getting to know one another. I was a little taken aback when Travis said with conviction he'd never get married. It wasn't the commitment to someone answer, but rather he didn't need a piece of paper proving yatta, yatta, yatta answer. He also never wanted to get a divorce, so being in a soceity where that is norm, it's a turn off for him - I get it. But I'll admit I was a little disappointed since that seemed to be the next step everyone takes after a few years of dating. Thanks society. But after the initial bluntness of Travis' answer, I spent a fair amount of time realizing that worked for me too. I actually didn't care of the implied importance. Many years went by until that conversation strolled by our informal dinner table again. Our relationship grew deeper and we each knew more about who we were. And more importantly, who we were together.
Somewhere around year 6 of dating, Travis mentioned he wanted to gather the few family items left to him. I didn't think much of it. Bonds from this relative and jewelry from so and so. The one thing that always meant the most to him, was his mamaw's wedding ring (father's mum.) He'd pondered getting it for years but wasn't sure where the ring ended up, at times his mom even thought it had been stolen. Again, I didn't think much of it since Travis was extremely close with his mamaw. He lived with her in Macon, Georgia for a spell, until he and his parents moved to Los Angeles when Travis was five. Each summer, he would go back to visit, until she passed when he was a teenager. Mamaw helped shape his childhood and gave him incredible memories any kid would be proud to have - including tea coffee. I'm bummed I never got to meet her but he wrote about one special memory.
The stigma of marriage silently washed away as the years passed between us. Within those conversations about the mementos, it became easier for us to talk about "what ifs." What if we did get married? Would we have to invite people X? Would it be local or cater to insistences from relatives? We agreed to have a wedding that encapsulated us and our personality, but left it at that. A little unresolved, which didn't help with my spiking think meter. What if he asked me? I mean he won't, but what if? Am I that person to get married to someone who doesn't want to, yet seemed super right if we did? What kind of ring did I want? Nothing new, of course (due to often horrible working conditions.) The dress - oh man, what would I wear? I don't care about it being white - what if I got a vintage red-carpety type gown? Something I'd look spectacular in. Those thoughts came in short spurts of the internal kind, but never making me nuts to think "why hasn't he done it yet?" "If he doesn't, I'm leaving this relationship!" never. It ultimately sounded like a rad idea, but whether we were or were not declared on a piece of paper, our relationship was fantastic and would continue far beyond that decree.
Little did I know, he and his mother found the ring and his planning begun.
On Jan 20, 2010 (year 7), I had gone to work like any other weekday. I wasn't scheduled for a meeting but this chick called and wanted to brainstorm ideas on something important at the time. At this point, me and this chick had been friends, hanging occasionally outside work. But just like the dude from my meeting Travis story, we are no longer friends with her either. I SWEAR it's not us. So I went down to her office for what should have been 30 minutes. Soon in, I realized I forgot my phone. Travis had always asked I keep it with me, in case he had an emergency, especially with his back being so awful. After I realized we'd been talking shop for 90 minutes, I had to go - sensing Travis needed to get hold of me. I went back to my office where three voicemails and boats of text messages awaited me. crap. The texts started off simple enough like where are you, can I stop by. Leading into more urgent pleas, can you call me, I really need to speak to you. The tone in the voicemail was the worst since I could hear something big was up...
It was around 11a or so when I finally got hold of him. He was extremely somber and off, even for a person in chronic pain. He said he was close, needed to speak in person, and would be to my work in about 10 minutes if I could wait downstairs. I secretly panicked. A hundred ideas ran though my head about what it could be... Did something happen to his parents, his brother, was he breaking up with me, or completey opposite and he had been offered an amazing job? At the time, the last option was actually the most likely given his personality, so I wagered on that. Hell, it was better than thinking our relationship was kaput.
It started to drizzle...
I'm outside and I see him walking up. His face is like a stone faced weeping angel and I'm kinda freaking out. I remind myself this is probably the opposite of what's actually happening and I'm about to hear his good piece of news.
It's still drizzling and I have no umbrella... He walks up.
"Brandi, I've been thinking a lot lately and I have no interest in having you as a girlfriend anymore."
Here's exactly what went through my head in a span of NO JOKE, 2 seconds:
- I'm sorry, what the fuck did he just say?
- Is he seriously breaking up with me at work? naw...
- Is he about to ask me to marry him? naw...
- What is happening?!?
"Because (the most genuine, non-cheesy smile) I wan't you to be my wife."
So my heart stopped. What my eyes saw was the most beautiful art deco ring, that was exactly what I had envisioned all those discussions ago. Prior to this moment, I'd never seen the ring, it had never even been described to me. All I knew was his mamaw wore it everyday, even after her husband passed, and she wanted Travis to have it. I stood there staring, in awe of this symoblic gesture and giant honour, entrusted to me in precious metal.
I looked at him and everything that made sense, was looking back. I needed to preserve it for eternity, if only a second. My brain said speak, silly bird. I of course said YES*! I hugged him, I unexpectedly shed happy tears, and I saw a bright future.
After the initial excitement and stares from passers by, we just sorta stared at each other. Giggling. Like what do we do now? Is there something to do? Travis said he'd been with his mom all morning waiting for me to call, so he suggested we visit her nearby work to share the swell news. On the car ride over, my brain was swimming with emotion and I struggled to say something poignant (always say something to be remembered by, hints my noodle.) But all I could form was "We can tell your parents, but I'm not ready to tell anyone else." I know that's a totally weird reaction. It's not because I wasn't over the moon, quite opposite actually. I was just so unprepared for this life changing even to actually be real. I also wasn't a big jewelry person, despite the ring being tops. Plus, I guess I had to use words like engaged and fiance - it was foreign! Saying that felt like marbles in my mouth and I just wanted to be a little more normal first. bizarre. I guess the only highlight was the emotion of being part of a secret club, like people could tell there was something special about me. Maybe that's how people feel when they find out they'll be having a baby.
The rain let up and the clouds parted, signifying our next chapter. Or some junk.
* If you ask Travis, I never made a sound before hugging him. He figured it was positive since I didn't run away, but he asked again and I made sure to say YEEEESSSSSSS. *
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