I was working at a previous job when I started chatting with this guy who worked down the hall. We had fun banter, not really flirty because he was awkward and I wasn't sure his deal, but I liked him. We hung out after work, went to shows, and I stayed at his place when my driving privileges were revoked (that's another story for another time.) I've always been a person who has to feel a certain spark/passion/umph in order to date a fella. I don't understand it and I don't fight it. I started feeling he was looking for something more, but I just wasn't into it. In fact, many great guys who would have loved to date me, have been in my life. But I just wasn't into them like that. My go-to defense was the longer I play naive, he'll eventually get the hint. I think it worked...
This guy still invited me to shows, including one in Silver Lake at Spaceland, to see Mondo Generator. It was Dec 2002. I didn't know who they were but it was supposed to be an awesome show and any activity where I could spend less time at my parents house, was perfect. He said we'd be meeting up with some friends of his. cool. As the ticket line sprawled up towards the hip houses, we found his friends Travis and Jaime. I immediately had that umph with Travis when he was sweet and cracked a joke, but my gut told me he and this chick were together, so I set the switch to internal. They were fun - laughing a lot, the band was fine, and we had a swell night.
After the show, we popped by Travis' truck where I had ditched my purse. As I held it, we stood in the ready to part ways circle and said the customary nice to meet yous & goodbyes. I wasn't given the future invitation to "hang out again," so even though I thought Travis was rad, I figured I'd never see him again. When dude and I were walking back to his car, I asked how he knew them. He said Travis and he worked together previously, but did not include Jaime in that reminiscence. He never mentioned whether they were/were not dating so I assumed she was part of the package. I didn't really want to ask either, since I thought that'd be rude. As we walked away I thought eh, I'll meet someone else.
3 months went by until a random course of events brought 3/4 of us together again on Feb 25, 2003. I got tickets to see Queens of the Stone Age at The Grove of Anaheim, giving one to the dude as a thank you for putting up with my lack of driving. I bought them in person at Wherehouse Music, getting lucky with pit wristbands. Travis is a HUGE Queens fan (which I didn't know then.) I guess dude mentioned to him we were going, Travis said - so am I! We agreed to carpool and again I felt {fucking umph, but really can't say anything with both of them there.} We stopped by the merch table, where I bought some QotSA panties (cuz that's all the money I had) and Travis bought a poster. I offered to use my girlish ways to get our wares back to the car for safe-keeping, since most shows - once you're in, you're in. And I wanted to do something nice for Travis by keeping his poster un-ruffled. Travis told me later when I left for the car, he started asking this dude what my deal was. He liked me but wasn't sure if dude liked me too, and whether it would be ok to call me. Dude said ok and Travis did. Which was likely the beginning of the end for that friendship, for numerous unreasonable reasons.
Turns out the night we met, Travis and Jaime had just broken up - like days prior or something. Which makes sense for me thinking they were a couple. I know what it's like to break up but still hang out, so that wasn't odd. And years later, all three of us are friends - and I like that. Also turns out the night we met, Travis thought dude and I were trying to date, so he didn't want to pursue anything then either. We each found out the others' side a few months after that Queens show. We'd been talking and having lunches - often. And that's all it took. The umph I was speaking about was growing. fast. Lengthy conversations with dude turned to brief chats as he was pulling away more and more. I learned later that was kinda his thing, so I stopped sweating it. We haven't spoken to him in many years. fuck him.
Every relationship with a person (friendship or other) has a unique quality that cannot be programmed for the next. And you never really know why two people fall together, but we did. What was it I found so intoxicating? He made me laugh, he listened, and he helped. I'd never even known those were things I was missing! and I'll never go back.
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Anniversaries - it's great to set time where you can gush on your other. But I have a real aversion to these calendar killers. It's a mental block I developed in junior high, that whispers I shouldn't need to make a fuss about this one event, this one day of the year. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Hallmark holidays - it's all the same. Each year I fight the urge to ignore, because not everyone feels the same way I do. I mean it's nice to reflect, yes, but people get SO excited about THIS DAY that it turns me off. And if you're only doing something nice because the calendar rolls around again, some shite has gone wrong. I don't know, maybe I should just enjoy how Travis and I can make these days unique for us. So in as much as I'll allow myself to get sentimental, Travis is tops and the word love doesn't come close.
We eloped May 24, 2010. Afterwards, I told him the day I don't laugh is the day I get a divorce.
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Here are some of the "we both" reasons:
- unconditional love is bullshite.
- spending time apart is healthy
- tea time is rad
- black shirts are the number one clothing asset
- Leroy, the puppy boy
- God? silly fiction
- The Wire
Here are some of my "he" reasons:
- makes me better
- a million others
If we ever need to split, the amount of photo evidence indicating we were ever together is so minimal, it could be wiped out in minutes. Not saying that's a good thing, just saying.
You're seeing probably 75% of all the photos we have together. word.
Here's the poster I saved from the savage pit beasts.
at a friends wedding
before leaving for our elopement
waiting for our appointment
cheese.
sniff.
at The Bazaar <3
at a thing
my favoritist, ever.
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