A joke a day, keeps the divorce away.

Unless you were the other two people there, most of our friends do not know how Travis and I met.

I was working at a previous job when I started chatting with this guy who worked down the hall.  We had fun banter, not really flirty because he was awkward and I wasn't sure his deal, but I liked him.  We hung out after work, went to shows, and I stayed at his place when my driving privileges were revoked (that's another story for another time.)  I've always been a person who has to feel a certain spark/passion/umph in order to date a fella.  I don't understand it and I don't fight it.  I started feeling he was looking for something more, but I just wasn't into it.  In fact, many great guys who would have loved to date me, have been in my life.  But I just wasn't into them like that.  My go-to defense was the longer I play naive, he'll eventually get the hint.  I think it worked...

This guy still invited me to shows, including one in Silver Lake at Spaceland, to see Mondo Generator.  It was Dec 2002.  I didn't know who they were but it was supposed to be an awesome show and any activity where I could spend less time at my parents house, was perfect.  He said we'd be meeting up with some friends of his.  cool.  As the ticket line sprawled up towards the hip houses, we found his friends Travis and Jaime.  I immediately had that umph with Travis when he was sweet and cracked a joke, but my gut told me he and this chick were together, so I set the switch to internal.  They were fun - laughing a lot, the band was fine, and we had a swell night.

After the show, we popped by Travis' truck where I had ditched my purse.  As I held it, we stood in the ready to part ways circle and said the customary nice to meet yous & goodbyes.  I wasn't given the future invitation to "hang out again," so even though I thought Travis was rad, I figured I'd never see him again.  When dude and I were walking back to his car, I asked how he knew them.  He said Travis and he worked together previously, but did not include Jaime in that reminiscence.  He never mentioned whether they were/were not dating so I assumed she was part of the package.  I didn't really want to ask either, since I thought that'd be rude.  As we walked away I thought eh, I'll meet someone else.

3 months went by until a random course of events brought 3/4 of us together again on Feb 25, 2003.  I got tickets to see Queens of the Stone Age at The Grove of Anaheim, giving one to the dude as a thank you for putting up with my lack of driving.  I bought them in person at Wherehouse Music, getting lucky with pit wristbands.  Travis is a HUGE Queens fan (which I didn't know then.)  I guess dude mentioned to him we were going, Travis said - so am I!  We agreed to carpool and again I felt {fucking umph, but really can't say anything with both of them there.}  We stopped by the merch table, where I bought some QotSA panties (cuz that's all the money I had) and Travis bought a poster.  I offered to use my girlish ways to get our wares back to the car for safe-keeping, since most shows - once you're in, you're in.  And I wanted to do something nice for Travis by keeping his poster un-ruffled.  Travis told me later when I left for the car, he started asking this dude what my deal was.  He liked me but wasn't sure if dude liked me too, and whether it would be ok to call me.  Dude said ok and Travis did.  Which was likely the beginning of the end for that friendship, for numerous unreasonable reasons.

Turns out the night we met, Travis and Jaime had just broken up - like days prior or something.  Which makes sense for me thinking they were a couple.  I know what it's like to break up but still hang out, so that wasn't odd.  And years later, all three of us are friends - and I like that.  Also turns out the night we met, Travis thought dude and I were trying to date, so he didn't want to pursue anything then either.  We each found out the others' side a few months after that Queens show.  We'd been talking and having lunches - often.  And that's all it took.   The umph I was speaking about was growing.  fast.  Lengthy conversations with dude turned to brief chats as he was pulling away more and more.  I learned later that was kinda his thing, so I stopped sweating it.  We haven't spoken to him in many years.  fuck him.

Every relationship with a person (friendship or other) has a unique quality that cannot be programmed for the next.  And you never really know why two people fall together, but we did.  What was it I found so intoxicating?  He made me laugh, he listened, and he helped.  I'd never even known those were things I was missing!  and I'll never go back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anniversaries - it's great to set time where you can gush on your other.  But I have a real aversion to these calendar killers.  It's a mental block I developed in junior high, that whispers I shouldn't need to make a fuss about this one event, this one day of the year.  Birthdays, Anniversaries, Hallmark holidays - it's all the same.  Each year I fight the urge to ignore, because not everyone feels the same way I do.  I mean it's nice to reflect, yes, but people get SO excited about THIS DAY that it turns me off.  And if you're only doing something nice because the calendar rolls around again, some shite has gone wrong.  I don't know, maybe I should just enjoy how Travis and I can make these days unique for us.  So in as much as I'll allow myself to get sentimental, Travis is tops and the word love doesn't come close.

We eloped May 24, 2010.  Afterwards, I told him the day I don't laugh is the day I get a divorce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some of the "we both" reasons:

• unconditional love is bullshite.
• spending time apart is healthy
• tea time is rad
• black shirts are the number one clothing asset
• Leroy, the puppy boy
• God?  silly fiction
• The Wire

 Here are some of my "he" reasons:

• makes me better
• a million others

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If we ever need to split, the amount of photo evidence indicating we were ever together is so minimal, it could be wiped out in minutes.  Not saying that's a good thing, just saying.

You're seeing probably 75% of all the photos we have together.  word.

Here's the poster I saved from the savage pit beasts.

at a friends wedding

 

before leaving for our elopement

 

waiting for our appointment

 

cheese.

sniff.

at The Bazaar <3

 

 at a thing

my favoritist, ever.

It hurts more on voicemail.

Not many people knew this, but Leroy the puppy boy wasn't the only canine in my life.  A former relationship and I adopted a dog named Tasha over 15 years ago, when she was a super teensy puppy.  The county shelter was on a 7 day program and I found out later, it was her last day when that guy and a friend brought her home as a surprise.  When that fella and I broke up, we agreed to have joint custody but it soon proved too difficult.  With I'm sure insistence from his then new girlfriend, we agreed I would take Tasha full time.  She was supremely sweet and always there when I was down.  Dogs just sense that sort of stuff.

After I moved out, Tasha stayed with my folks because there was a no dog policy.  I could also never deny her roaming a large yard, with plenty of birds to chase.  I visited often and it worked.  Subsequent apartments were the same policy, no pets, but again with the visiting.  And the house Travis and I purchased had a small yard, but Tasha was over 13 years old and starting to have senior lady moments - so it was better she stay in the environment she was used to.  Again, I visited her often and it worked.

She had a great life start with that boyfriend, his family and their other dogs, who loved her tremendously.  She was the first dog I trained to stay indoors with me and she was the first pup I grew up with as an older kid/adult.  It gave me an emotional bond I hadn't felt before and a new respect for co-parenting.

She was an amazing dog and I miss her.

I was at my desk all of Monday morning, multi-tasking phone calls and quick department chats, nothing of importance.  Travis and I weren't having lunch like usual because he was with a friend, doing Travissy things.  I went home a bit later than usual so Leroy wouldn't be by himself as long, and nothing of importance happened.  I was back at work for like 30 minutes when my 2pm meeting reminder with the boss lady popped up.  Off I went and nothing of importance happened.  I get back to my desk, hoping there was a voicemail from Trav as I was eager to hear about his day.  Red light jackpot - VM!

I punched the pass code and it chimed I had 2 unread messages.  The first was from Travis, asking I call him back for the scoop.  The second, was from my dad, who gulp, never calls.  He spent a somber toned minute asking if I would return his call, as there was a passing of a family member (I'm thinking something suddenly happened to his brother or my aunt or any number of relatives I don't know.)  I was bringing the receiver towards the base thinking it was almost over and I'd call back to comfort my parents in some capacity, when he casually mentioned "sometimes we just need to do these things."  I stopped breathing.  Did he just fucking say that?  On voicemail?  He didn't have to spell it out, I knew exactly what he meant.  It was the same thing he said about my other dog Floppee.  They unexpectedly put her to sleep and told me after the fact.

I just sat there, thinking about her, but it wasn't real yet.  How could they do this to me again.  My brain calculated the importance of filtering this information, while keeping externally composed.  I wanted to talk with Travis about his day.  I knew he and his friend were discussing important things, so on par with most other deaths in my life, I didn't want to think about it.  We talked through what happened at his lunch and it was really positive.  I was happy for that news; I needed it.  Only at the end did I mention the other call.  He was immediately comforting, compassionate and wanted me to make sure that's what the news was.  I knew, but I said I'd call them back.  I felt grey around me, sitting in my office with the door closed, getting ready to dial the inevitable.

My mom answered after more rings than usual so I thought maybe she was outdoors.  But when I heard her most common phrase, "let me mute the TV," it was obvious she considered ignoring the call.  Again, I knew.  I could have hung up the phone and cried.  I let there be silence for another few moments as I set the sadness aside and prepared to hear what happened.  I also needed time to compose my response.

Her own somber tone rode the invisible waves into my ear while she recounted the events.  Tasha had been having trouble getting up, even walking, not eating and a few other things I don't remember now.  They called the vet and they could see her that morning and it's all very humane... they take her back... she's in a better place now... Why the fuck are you telling me the technical way this goes down, I know and I don't care.  you have nothing else of importance to say was my only rationale.

Silence. I didn't react, didn't yell, didn't curse, didn't cry... nothing.  I guess all this executivey training pays off when all you want to do is REACT.  But your mind first goes to being the bigger person or you're then part of the problem.  I sat in silence while all the emotions came pouring through the grey noodles, down into my heart.

I calmly asked when did she start having problems walking, eating, etc.  cuz you haven't been telling me anything other than she's good.  She said it's been going on a while.  It appeared she was feeling better but on Monday morning was bad.

I'm sitting there in shock trying to process all of the everything that was just dumped on me over the last 10 minutes.  I mean we all know this is the sucky part of life, but you never told me any of these problems.  Not once.  Not after the millionth time of me asking how Tasha was doing, did you say anything. And a week ago Mother's Day, you said nothing.  And few days ago you were at Stateline gambling. And even after that you called to tell me don't feed jerky sticks from China to Leroy because they're making dogs sick.  and nothing.  All I could think about was how long it had been happening, with no consideration of my feelings to even tell me.

Back when Floppee passed I asked them to never do that with Tasha. At least consult me, so I can help weigh in on the decisions regarding my dog.  Let ME decide if I want to visit her now or have my memories, but don't make that decision for me.  I know they are with her day to day, so I always told them I understood them making the decision if her health is failing.  I never want her to suffer either.  never.  But it doesn't excuse the facts of how the events played out.  And especially not on voicemail.

I miss her...

I wrote them an email because I can't hear their voices right now.  I re-explained my feelings about this because their lack of understanding & consideration for me has been a long standing issue (which I'll write more about later.)  I know that's why this hurts even more.  With Travis' suggestion, I waited a few days before sending it.  They've called, emailed their original notion of why (I get it already and that was never my problem.  But you reiterating to me only solidifies you don't get it.)  She even wrote this morning saying eBay was hacked and I needed to change my password.  really?  this is important right now?  {shoulder huff} So I proofread it again and sent along my thoughts.  I wasn't harsh or mean or yelly, just stated facts and ended with "Tasha was just another thing I was being hurt with and that's hard and I need some time."


 Tasha maybe 3 months old.

 



Tasha and Bonnie, one of the boyfriends other dogs.  Bonnie loved Tasha like her own puppers and Tasha was uber sad when Bonnie passed.  She would stare to the backyard where Bonnie liked to hang out, looking for her friend. <3

 

The boyfriends other dogs (L, T-B)
Bubbles, Bonnie, Tasha, Yai (ใหญ่ means big in Thai)

I took Tasha to get "studio" portraits at a pet store.  They were awesome and got the best reactions out of her.  I remember her most this way and this photo has been on my desk ever since I went corporate.

 Floppee. <3

Tell You Thursday: Parading Around

In the 80s, my parents and I went to Disneyland at least once a year.  Only on Sunday's though, since my dad worked nights and Sunday was the only normal day.  It was kinda awesome, Disneyland at that time.  There was a balance of 80s charm, day glo and marginal safety restrictions that are since long gone.  And my dad had a pretty fierce mustache.  You also had the original Captain Eo, the perfectly slow People Mover, and The Submarine Voyage still had affixed mermaids.

They also had parades.  I don't know about other kids, but I hated parades.  The dancing, the loud music, and jerks never picked me to interact with them.  Plus, even though you could hear the commotion, it took at least another 15 minutes to see because of the slow.  The ONLY one I ever enjoyed was the Main Street Electrical Parade, because it was brilliantly colorful, had a single, catchy tune that didn't hurt my ears* and it only happened at night.  Even if you weren't right up front, a great view could still be had because the fluorescent lights glowed perfectly.  Here were my two favourite participants to see: Dopey's Jewel Train and the snails, bees and wormies.  But just because I hated waiting on hard concrete, in the sun, for hours in order to get a good seat, doesn't mean my mom did.  She loved the parades for reasons I still don't know.

One such occasion, we still had waiting time, so I imagine it must have been around 2:30pm, because they all seem to start around 3.  My mom, dad and I waited on Disneyland's main street in order to watch that days' offering.  We were on the left side, if you were to look towards Cinderella's castle.  I was SO bored, staring down at my feet, the people around me (this may be where my people watching fixation started) and anywhere else, when my dad said he'd be back.

I didn't know where he went, but I was hoping it was to get a soda or ice cream.  Anything to keep me occupied a bit longer.  I finally saw him and his mustache across the street... why was he over there talking to another family?  Maybe he knew them from work.  It was a guy, lady and some kids.  what ever I thought.  I saw a few vertical bodies but their faces have since turned into grey privacy circles.  Sometime later he came back and whispered something to my mom.  I don't remember if it was then or many years later, but I eventually actually found out who he spoke with.

He spotted Tom Hanks and the family.  holy what!  You mean Mr. Bosom Buddies and Mr. Money Pit and other things at that time!  Awesome and a half!  From what I remember of the conversation, he non-chalantly asked for his autograph after chatting a bit.  Tom politely declined, indicating he was just being a family man that day.  My dad totally understood, so I think they chatted a bit more and that was it.  Two families, across from one another, without ever meeting.

Tom's son Colin and I are a few years apart.  So had the mustaches aligned and our families decided to hang out, who knows what could have been.  It's not unheard of at Disneyland for families to meet, talk and decide to pal around for a couple hours.  I mean you're mostly standing around anyway, grab lunch after and have a grand time!

We didn't make new friends that day but an 80s sunny filtered montage of laughs, ice cream and ride riding could have totally happened.  We could have grown up during our awkward phases, been each others pen pal and dished on all the people we were into.  Totally.  I'm just saying, Colin and I could have made that initial bond over, you know, wanting ice cream to pass the time.



* I have a self-diagnosed condition where certain frequencies really bother me.  Up close parade music because it's high pitched, loud clapping while not at a concert and sudden bursts of anything in a seemingly quite place are just a few.

The Wonder Peers

At my current place of employment, I've been some form of supervisor for over 6 years.  I've taken work-sponsored education classes, had mentors who adviced me to always work one level above where you are, and observed others around me in order to better develop my skillz. It's not hard people: practice what you like, throw out what you don't.  But inevitably, there will be someone in your organization who wants you to fail.

Just like being a chef in a kitchen, wearing a suit is not for everyone.  I personally have a very flattering lady blazer, but not every bird can claim that.  The job is stressful, you play politics, and make decisions that aren't always popular.  People can flourish and fail within a matter of weeks.  It's kinda like being a celebrity.  When you're successful, people want to help and do things for you, but with six fails, you get voicemail.  And if all those perks weren't enough, they shove a piece of paper in your face with numbers they call salary and you're like ok, where do I sign.  So should you make the leap, be prepared to stumble along in the dark while you hold your breath during a presentation, and still somehow make everything work.

But in all honesty, you do it because you're going to make a difference!! You're going to improvise righteous quote after quote to inspire your team!  You shine in front of golden rays as your bosses sit back with smiled approval in how they made the right decision!   It's not a perfect system, but in the end a good supervisor LEARNS, LEARNS, LEARNS.  But this dance takes two..

This is a story about a person who doesn't deserve one.

I've had a supervisor who was threatened by others succeeding past them, at the same time, been a supervisor to someone who always felt I was an inferior product.  The department boss at the time said I was getting it at both ends.  Fucking swell...

Person X and I were never going to be friends, but it was civil enough until the moment I turned into a person of authority.  We struggled the entire 6+ years of our supervisor/employee cohabitation, but I wasn't going to let anyone pin this on me.  6 long years I had to be the bigger person because that's what having a business card affords you; 6 long years walking on eggshells because of the accusations; 6 long years of anxiety attacks telling myself I MUST do everything exactly on point so I don't put myself or the company at risk, otherwise it's all my fault and person X wins.  All without much more than a "ya it sucks, but you can get through it" pat on the back.  Not gonna lie.  that blows.  hard.  that's what I said.

I went through round after round with HR defending my words, my tone, my request, my method, my email, my relationships, my advice, my experience, my education, and anything else that could be spit-wadded against the wall.  Nothing was ever founded in reality and thus, nothing stuck.  But it doesn't matter.  You still feel utterly nauseous someone could be slinging such filth and yet still have a job and still be able to sleep at night.  This was 6 years of my life and there was nothing I could do.

Through the lowest point of this experience, I decided the only way to get through it was to find positivity in the experience I'd gain dealing with a difficult employee.   You know what I found?  I have learned just about everything there is to know about it and it will never stop sucking.

TRUMPETS BLARE!!!!!!!!!

After 6, long, years of my life, I found out last week person X would no longer be under my management as they are no longer employed with the company.  With one phone call, and not even directly to me, it's over.  The swiftness with which it ended isn't fitting for the dirty, dragged out, emotional fist fight that lead up to this point, but it's over.  The entire time I was never allowed to directly confront my feelings to person X.  I had to tell HR, which they listened, but couldn't help me for squat.  Being a person who only wants to do right and sometimes naively expects the same of others, it's not fucking right.  They got away with so much, simply because they knew how to work the system.  But it's over.

You can't argue with an irrational mind, but you can find satisfaction in the fact they will forever be miserable.

Glendale Humane Society's 10th Annual Wags 'N' Whiskers Walk Fundrasier

If you're reading this here, you know how fucking much Travis and I love Leroy, our puppy boy.  Like you know how you love {insert thing} so much you just can't believe you keep finding more love???  And how the word love doesn't come close to how this little furry face touches your soul?  Yep, that's how we feel about him.  (you should read all about his First Woofday.)  When we adopted Leroy, we not only found a great friend but a wonderful organization, that feels like an extended family.  And they need our help!

If you are just SO motivated to help out and will read this later, Go Here, Yo.  If you already love my words, continue on.

The Glendale Humane Society is hosting their 10th Annual Wags 'N' Whiskers Walk, May 4.  All proceeds allow this No-Kill shelter to continue rescuing, caring and finding forever homes to a whole mess of furry friends.  On our donation page, I wrote a summary of what GHS does for animals and included a few tidbits of our personal experiences, but I added a little more below.  If you're curious...

We were surprised by the personal investment each staff member had.  They really wanted to make sure they were matching the right buddy to the right family.  And educational - man, let me tell you.  The shelter requires a prep-course before taking your friend home, which tremendously helped us.  I mean we were overwhelmed the first first days, but EVERY technique they taught has worked with Leroy.  We also continued education with Tully's Training, who works each week with the visiting dogs.  The whole mindset was a culture change to training, but now it's second nature, and we're able to handle any situation Leroy throws at us.  Even though he shares our address, we will never be on our own thanks to them!

Did you not get all warm and smiley just picturing those wonderful animals finding homes!  We are raising as many donations as possible for this incredible group!  Any donation, even the smallest amount, will directly support their efforts to feed, care, foster, nurse, and all around love more friends.  uh, and who doesn't want more friends!  Join us won't ya!  You can donate directly to our personal page here.

On behalf of the entire three-piece Clark band, we thank you!
- Brandi, Travis and of course, Leroy the puppy boy.


p.s. We understand many people work directly with their local shelters and may feel funny about donating to one they don't know.  We promise you, it's all for good!  But if you're unsure, and because giving is tops, make a donation to the one you love!  It's not just money, old blankets, towels, unused toys or equipment, volunteer - it's all appreciated and totally needed.


Resources:
Our Donation Page
Wags 'N' Whiskers Walk Even Information
Tully's Training