Friend Dating

Remember back in school when every, single, day was filled with the smiles and sounds of your friends?  You'd talk between classes, pass notes during, and hangout on the phone for hours with your feet up in the air until dinner was ready?  I miss that.  terribly.  And despite computing several possible algorithms and carrying the one, that's the precise element of youth I don't know how to retain.  School - yeah, that sucked sometimes.  But it was everything else throughout the day which made our lives what they were. 

I've been brawling silently in my head to accept these people I still greatly love aren't around everyday.  I bear the absent closeness that comes only from that.  I miss being asked how I'm doing or hearing a "fuck them" when I'm sad.  have a hug.  There is no longer a set of hours allotted per week to the important task at hand.  No 15 minute snack periods, no 60 minute lunches on the grass, no ditching class and running to the abandoned house across the street... It's all gone.

I remember the kids a few years out of high school would bitch about their new found responsibilities, but they never mentioned the time reduction around friends.  Actually, I concede, you can't possibly know at that age, like with so many things.  So the perpetual youngin' in me who refuses to acknowledge life can't always be that simple, is mournful.  That whole concept begins to wither from our reality the day we graduate.  And yet here we are... or at least here I am.  Struggling to feel connected with the people that mean the most.

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Because I've never been a person to have scores of breathers around me,  I practice the "better people equals less people" model.  So with fewer bodies comes a greater importance put upon thy friendships.  Especially with chicks, I kinda always fell into the 'guys girl' role, so now I fully appreciate ten fold the brilliant, shiny ladies in my life.  And the ones I hope to meet.  I'm encouraged by their actions and learn like a classy sponge, on spectrum's both positive & negative.  It fuels me despite never getting enough.  But I can't put unexpected pressure on any friend when this is what I'm having to figure out; the mutual expectations are a process defined over time.  And I will forever respect that unwritten decree because it's right.  And sure it seems uninterrupted with a spouse or someone sharing your home.  But you can't rely on a single person to fulfill every emotional need because that's not fair.

Most chums part ways unless you live in a mega small town and are super cool staying in your birth hood.  But that's not common, so hopefully the good ones leave in geography only.  And for those, the deep roots can't be severed by a bumpy terrain or a few missed phone calls.  Yet where does this leave me in the course of regular existencing?

Friend dating.

We should all friend date as adults.  When you want good people in your life you screen out the riff-raff, no?  You do it when looking romantically, so why not for all the other best parts of a person.  We've established seconds are precious, so I want to surround myself with only the best.  And just like with lovey dating, you're deciding whether this being (or pair of beings) is an awesome addition to your life.  Wherever or however you meet, it's all the same people!  Nothing is different yet it is.  Are you compatible, enjoy similar hobbies, share a sense of humour, pose thoughtful questions, what's acceptable, what isn't, what are you comfortable with doing at sleepovers.  Do they make me better!

Social media marginally bridges the dating gap, but certainly doesn't give an entire picture.  As the face-to-face is exchanged for an online discovery of personality, our new "friend" or "follower" can lead us to believe a skewed perception of their life.  Like are you trying to convince me or yourself... That's not something I do or project, because my opinions of someone are based in fact, although I understand how it could happen.  get off my lawn.  I like to believe posts and tweets and photos are meant to enhance the personality you meet, rather than transform it.  But peoples is peoples, so if any janky shit starts being tossed, better to know & decide early.

So now there's all this noise associated with a budding friendship; maybe more so in my own head.  I only gravitate to a small number of people, so when I feel our vibes are compatible I become a bumbly goof.  Just like a lover, I want to say the right thing, make them laugh, have them enjoy me like I enjoy them.  I savor their company, but I don't want to bother them.  Should I call/not call, I want to text this funny thing but maybe that's over the line because they don't feel the same - or they don't work the same.  Shit, I'm over-dissecting again, aren't I.  Round and round until my brain says "calm down silly.  friends are simply lovers without the spectacle."  Which makes me laugh and I relax.

I want to find a happy medium between recapturing what used to be, what I truly need, and what is realistic.  I want to hear I'm not alone.  That despite work, kids, appointments, errands, and all the things, with a little effort you and me can thrive together amongst the chaos.

Or at least get to first base. ;-)

I am not the etiquette fuzz.

This started off as a bunch of chopped up sequential tweets, but I realized that's kinda going against the point I'm trying to illustrate.

I claim no prowess to the etiquette fuzz, nor do I claim ANY sort of continued experience with awful users.  But I have eyes and they read words that translates into my opinions.

When friends post reminders about social media etiquette, I always think "oh right. some people blow."  Some people will never understand what they're doing from the comfort of anywhere, isn't proper decorum.  But like how could people not know how to behave?  whoops. stop me right there.  Our world is filled with boneheads.  But still, basic niceties are so engrained into my noodle, it baffles me when others need to be suggestively hinted time and time again not to suck.  And by suck, I include both intended shenanigans and non-malicious bad choices.  I full on cringe when I see it happen, especially when people I know are the culprits.  eep.

Social media pushes boundaries, sets trends and makes life easier, harder or somewhere in between.  Cool - get that.  But instant access to almost anything has forgotten us one simple notion.  There are still analog manners we must apply to our digital personalities.  It's like going through school all over again.  But now, there's fewer people grading your work or scolding you for being a tool.  And right now I believe twitter houses the most offenders.

The other day a friend retweeted something that made no sense to me.  Honestly, there are many tweets I must spend time figuring out, simply because there's lots of acronyms and code words and truncations I'm not hip on.  get off my lawn.  It was because of the few people "tagged / included" (I don't know what it's called) that prompted me to write this.  The tweet seemed out of place to include a few particular names you would know, so I expanded it to figure out what it all meant.

That's when almost the entire display of a large desktop unfolded a non-nonsensical conversation between two people I don't know, who included several people you would know.  Holy hell.  It started with a memed picture and like "you guys rule" kinda thing.  Ok. Part of twitter's charm? is interaction with people you may not otherwise have an opportunity to do so.  But why should that make allowances to treat ones twitter handle like an object, rather than the person behind it.  I was appalled I tell you!  I felt so bad to read the "oh yeahs" and "cool" responses that any normal person would say dude, talk amongst yourselves.  No One Else Cares.

Name. That. Smell!

I can name that smell in like 17 hours.  maybe.  And that smell I'm referring to is the one emanating from our new 1960s credenza, courtesy of the Broyhill Brasilia collection.  Don't be mistaken, the lingering stench in my nose is not because the piece was created more years ago than I; but rather because it surprised me with funk, and gunk, and bugs.  MUCH more than I ever thought was possible in something that isn't that large.  Even with all this cleaning ahead, we still got a great deal.  So that helps.  hopefully.

A few weeks back, our 7 year old TV started heading towards Kaput Ave.  Well, actually, it started canvassing the neighborhood a couple years back when LCD red & blue lines started appearing on certain programs.  Then, when Travis was on his comedy road slip, giant blocks were now being eliminated.  I suggested we get a new one during every store USA's 4th of July sale.  GooooOOOOO freedom!

We did our research and settled on a 55", 4K, 3D TV with the what's-its and whooze-its, and apps.  get off my lawn.  I don't know all about it but it was new, cheaper than our current set and looked darn good.  On our way to checkout, I suggested we get a fancy wall mount since that's what grown-ups have, but Trav informed me the installation is massively complicated.  He suggested instead a vintage piece of furniture for the same price as the wall mount.  OK!!  We've been talking about that for a while and if in the future we get that wall mount, we'll still have another brilliant find.

After we brought the set home, I went to work finding a piece that would be both hawesome and functional.  A credenza or buffet, from the mid-century era has always been of interest to us.  So I looked on all my recycled/reclaimed/refurbished bookmarked sites as well as craigslist.  bupkis.  I next checked etsy and stumbled upon a local dealer with a reasonably priced credenza.  It needed a little polish and love, but looked great overall, especially the style.  Shoot, a former boss of mine refinishes wood, so I can always ask him for tips.  Saw it Saturday and agreed we'd buy both it and a 1930s dresser, something else I've always wanted!  hashtag Bakelite pulls.

We rented a van to pick up the pieces and met the seller at his local warehouse.  Before shuffling either one, I suggested removing the drawers because that's what you do.  Also, the credenza is made of walnut and that shits heavy.  Removing the buckets one by one, presented us with an unexpected HOLY HELL FUCK those drawers are nasty dirty.  2X that for the inside cubbies!  I didn't see it when we first looked at them because I was focused on ensuring it was a good piece, not how clean it was on the deep inside.  won't do that again.  With each drawer removal,  it got worse.  Dead bugs and dirt and a couple paper plates.  Cheap ass white paper plates stuffed under a drawer (luckily, no pizza grease.)  That's when the seller began to say "Well this is what you get when you buy from a dir...."  er umm.  "From a really strange women."  I just glare at him.  Before I could stop the insanity, he ran to get windex and paper towels.  He started furiously spraying the inside, untreated wood.  face plant.  I was able to stop him thinking I could just do a vacuum and a dust and everything would turn out ok...

That was a few weeks ago.

Today, the 1930s dresser has been dusted and vacuumed and spruced up.  She's safely inside with sweaters and scarves and other goodies tucked in place.

The 1960s Broyhill has been sitting outside, covered, because I can't take the smell.  My god, it's awful.  I spent 7 hours sanding the inside, vacuuming, sanding more, polishing, doing everything I can think of to remove whatever was living in there and what ever stench it left.  Luckily, there has been NOOOOO activity of living bugs.  It's all the dead ones that are almost worst.

We were recommended a guy north of us, who would clean and restrip the entire piece for $750. Gulp.

Another guy would clean with all kinds of stuff and sorta refinish the top (it has some scratches) for $250.

Finally, our next door neighbors have some friends who will likely do the same thing, but hopefully cheaper.  I'm waiting to hear from them.

Paying someone for their time, experience, tools and know-how is so worth it after my 7 hours did squat.  I will forever know that smell - it's ingrained in my sensories and if someone understands how to remove it - the money is well worth it.

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As an investment note, the 1960s dresser in about the same condition as ours (sans smell,) usually goes for at least double the price.  So still, it's worth it.