What I Didn't Tell You: Installment 4

Posts 1 - 3 found here.

What I've discovered since starting this show-and-tell on the 14th of April, 2014, is that this decision to expose my drafts is a fantastic & positive thing.  I've gained confidence while writing this here journal and yet, never really stop to appreciate the opportunity to tell myself good job now and again.  Both Travis and therapy are a continual, supportive reminder I should change that.

PS: A few of these are rad (see 4) and extra hard not to actually post for realz.  But those are the invisible breaks and I choose to stand by them.

High Five!

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Again, the rules are:

• I save them for any number of uninteresting reasons
• I may have posted the exact or some form of said tweet
• I present them exactly how they were saved, typos or non-sense and all

And now, Installment 4.

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1. I have a few found crush on Vincent Piazza, the fella who played Tommy DeVito in Jersey Boys. (whispers and by crush, I mean he's cute.) (April 4, 2015. 11:53pm)
2. When this guy at the stores all "Ma'am, you do wrestling down here on the corner?"  And I'm all "Sir, I'm a married woman." (April 17, 2015. 7:30pm)
3. I really wish they'd bring back Finders Keepers #GameShow (April 28, 2015. 9:26pm)
4. Landscape Architects do it from the ground up. (April 30, 2015. 6:46pm)
5. Do Your Part! Report water losers, so the Water Cops can flash their badges. http://www.ladwpnews.com/go/doc/1475/2226042/LADWP-Water-Conservation-Response-Unite-Takes-to-the-streets-to-Curb-Water-Waste (May 1, 2015. 11:34am)
6. I just realized I don't know how to abbreviate Hawaii.  Is it HA or HI?  Either way, it's quite jolly. (May 5, 2015. 10:37pm)
7. Taking a 10-100. (May 7, 2015. 12:09pm)
8. Saw a license plate holder for what I thought was UC Breakfsst.  If go there  (May 11, 2015. 7:41pm)
9. When you put on brave pants to go waterfall repelling, get there, but you're not listed on the manifest.  Because it's tomorrow.  (May 21, 2015. 2:36pm)
10. I'm really digging The Girl on the Train, which is our current book club selection.  Although I keep imagining she's on the Ticket to Ride train. ;-) (May 28, 2015. 3:18am)
11. An automatic toilet that flushes on its own, is possessed by a peemon. (devil face emoji) (toilet emoji) (May 30, 2015. 4:12pm)
12. A man bun riding a bucket and air drumming. (June 1, 2015. 6:31pm)
13. When I stood in between two houses and em watches a guy sing (June 3, 2015. 5:22pm)
14. A Porto potty is a dirty Tardis. (June 12, 2015. 6:24am)
15. Henny ponders, "What cooks?" (June 14, 2015. 7:57pm)
16. Won a free Blue Apron box from work for achieving Level 4 during our step challenge.  I cooked the first of three meals tonight: calzones.  It took two hours instead of one and the kitchen had an eruption of dishes.  So that sucks.  But it was cheese & taste tastic!  I don't think we'll order the delivery on our own though.  Each serving seems too high in calories and the portions are wonky. (June 14, 2015. 8:20pm)
17. Cereal is literally the downfall of my nutritional society. (June 14, 2015. 9:10pm)
18. clock tease. (June 20, 2015. 7:48am)
19. Tonights therapy session sponsored by Kleenex. (June 22, 2015. 6:07pm)
20. Remember, The Fonz never ignores a challenge. (June 22, 2015. 10:10pm)
21. The Wire, but with Monopoly. (June 22, 2015. 11:50pm)
22. Here's a draft tweet frkm xxx ago. I then dreamt about ordering a dozen different donuts, all of which were knew to these people in my dream, and they wouldn't make up their mind about which one to try.  So I took a knife, cut little slices from each and went to town.  Reminding them how much their missing out.  At least my dentures were ok this time.  Now we're on a cruise ship that docked and I need to "run home" for something.  I don't renener what.  But when I got there, a few candles were burning.  Glass kind.  The realiEd I was duped wrapped up in blanket (June 23, 2015. 6:39am)
23. Dreamt our roof was leaking, water pouring down all the walls.  So either I'm feeling like there's no way to overcome something or (June 25, 2015. 8:12am)
24. This dude at our local farmers market sells orgasmically sweet strawberries.  Feels like I should take them to dinner first or something. (June 27, 2015. 9:52am)
25. I just ordered a sandwhich by saying "I'd like the shoes please, but not the hat." (June 29, 2015. 1:04pm)
26. How many building engineers does it take to get our a candy bar that got stuck in the vending machine?  At my work, apparently 3. (July 1, 2015. 10:21am)
27. I've invested way too much effort, and been unsuccessful at, getting a picture of my fitbit when it shows 666.  The devil laughs another day.  (July 2, 2015. 11:47am)
28. I <3 that Clementine gets me!! http://twitter.com/clementinesford/status/618870720987172864 (July 8, 2015. 5:42pm) 
29. Making food for one is a bummer. I think that's why I used to eat so much cereal. (July 9, 2015. 9:21am)
30. Elevate... The flavor profile.  - our Dalek grill  (July 11, 2015. 9:24am)
31. I'm always a little sad when I see a lone sock on the street, because I'll never know its sole. (July 11, 2015. 9:27am)
32. I'm close enough that I walk to therapy, which must have significance, although I haven't made the connection yet. #theraputhack (July 20, 2015. 4:51pm)
33. The best part of having to park furthest away at the market is riding the shopping cart for the longest time!! (July 25, 2015. 6:38pm)
34. A chicken who claims a game is rigged cries fowl. (July 26, 2015. 9:11am)
35. Is 4 months too long to forget about putting the registration tags on your car (July 30, 2015. 11:30pm)
36. Hair Ye, Hair Ye, I hereby declare: reddish < blond < whiff of lavender <3 (August 7, 2015. 4:21pm)
37. I fully understand the amusement of my choice to bring a box of Cap't Crunch Donut Cereal into a fancy compassion dispensary. (August 8, 2015. 7:30pm)
38. When a 60-something fella with a giant phone & notepad tells you how much he likes your shirt, but not in a creepy way. #CaptainPrettyBlouse (August 11, 2015. 1:22pm)
39. Wearing this tshirt, a guy stopped to tell me he has one but his other car is a Tradis.  Then I saw a vanity plate with the same thing! (August 18, 2015. 6:12pm)
40. I just took down ALL the spider highways, so if they're looking for them, please check my hair, face, arms & sanity. (August 18, 2015. 6:18pm)
41. Asked Travis to make dinner because I suddenly got a headache for unknown reasons. Then I remembered the 8 hour work from home/year the roof off bang fest I endured.  (August 18, 2015. 9:18pm)
42. I get so elated looking at our new roof, I'm pretty sure all millenials collectively just XXX. (August 29, 2015. 6:41am)
43. It's not proper etiquette to wear white panties after Labor Day. (September 9, 2015. 11:54am)
44. When you're the only taco in a sea of pickles. (September 17, 2015. 11:54am)
45. I watched the white Bronco chase, completely unaware of what it meant at the time. Just like, this is weird. I was 13. (September 25, 2015. 11:15pm)
46. I member a mature friend called, asking "Do you have O.J.!?" I pretended to not know what she meant cuz I thought watching news wasn't cool. (September 25, 2015. 11:16pm)
47. But this chick was smart & confident. She was like dude "OJ! He's getting away!" We stayed on the phone, watching it unfold for a long time. (September 25, 2015. 11:17pm)
48. It was the first time I realized you could be hip AND informed! I detested those other 'girlfriends' attitude to dumb it down for the boys. (September 25, 2015. 11:21pm)

What I Didn't Tell You, Installment 3.

Last year I started a series of entries titled What I Didn't Tell You, because sir, my mind never stops making notes.  If you want to see the others, click HERE.

Part 3 is unique because when my phone was stolen, I realized it hadn't been backed up in several months when I went to transfer the goods to my new one.  Oops.  So while many a gem was lost, I regained a boat load full of something.


Again, the rules are:

• I save them for any number of uninteresting reasons
• I may have posted the exact or some form of said tweet
• I present them exactly how they were saved, typos or non-sense and all

And now, Installment 3.

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1. Alright 20-something lame boy, next time ill let you continue saying your wrong statements (July 12, 2013. 1:29pm)
2. I'm getting a new passport photo, so I'm puttin on my cool outfit and practicing my smile.  #Feel13Again (September 1, 2013. 10:13am) 
3. Attempting scratch moo-shoo veg & pancakes for dinner. (September 2, 2013. 6:20pm) 
4. Peeing and comfy pant strings (October 17, 2014. 9:43pm)
5. Travis says it's silly to buy cookies you're going to eat at thanksgiving, before the day.  Because it's still to (November 25, 2014. 5:09pm)
6. Got my car and my puppy, and we're headed to the puppy play park for some puppy play. #LotsOfPs (November 26, 2014. 2:53pm)
7. Someone just proposed at the restaurant we're at and I kinda teared up like a sappy bitch. (December 6, 2014. 12:09am)
8. My dad used to offer me 25 cents for each christmas package I wrapped.  And each year when I would settle up, he'd say (December 16, 2014. 9:57pm) 
9. A Dalek Beautician: Exfoliate (December 27, 2014. 5:25pm)
10. Next book club is in January and since we picked / we host.  We chose California by Edan Lepucki.  It's post-apocalyptic so everyone loses.  Or they don't. (December 30, 2014. 6:15pm)
11. Final day of 2014: when a piece of shreddy wood jammed between my finger and nail. At least you're now cringing alongside me. (December 31, 2014. 9:34am)
12. So much tea at brunch; so much pee at home. (January 2, 2015. 1:14pm)
13. Trav and I agreed to a Black, Red, & White flowers scheme when we redo the yard. (January 2, 2015. 5:16pm)
14. I've lost the ability to edit myself in deciding whether 44 journal drafts is excessive. (January 6, 2015. 12:31am)
15. I will purchase 7 eco-friendly, pre-fab guest pods, a garden, & run the most awesome B&B.  I call it (January 7, 2015. 10:56pm)
16. After a stressy week of hoping, it's official! RT @thatguytravis: On Friday Sgt. "Pepper" Leroy Buckles will be our pup. http://t.co/jwSkGTWir0 (January 12, 2015. 1:43pm)
17. Some people I know are having shows tonight. Breaks some legs duders! @thatguytravis & @wilw (January 17, 2015. 7:05pm)
18. Woke up with my night guard upside down, because I dreamt I was eating a donut. (January 19, 2015. 9:35am)
19. Tutucci (January 24, 2015. 12:00am)
20. The person who makes you feel better even when XXX, regardless of gender - that's who you should be with. (January 29, 2015. 2:08pm)
21. Can't sleep.  Worrying. (February 2, 2015. 5:02am)
22. And just like that, a 12 year career comes to an end. (February 2, 2015. 5:03am)
23. My fav peeps at the gym: the accuser, the talker, and the TV watcher. #BROSEFs #HashtagsForThem (February 8, 2015. 9:14pm)
24. {deep breath} Man! I love having lunch outside w/ Leroy.  sit downs in usual hair: wait, THE SUN ON ME NOW?! {scowls for (February 12, 2015. 12:55pm)
25. Earlier I posted a journal noting I've had a sinus infection & nasty cough.  I can't shake the cough so I may go drive around w/ all the other (February 15, 2015. 8:13am)
26. Two legs, one pup. (February 15, 2015. 7:48pm)
27. Autonomy is fine if you're content with staying put. (February 17, 2015. 2:12pm)
28. When "You got this!" is loudly spoken over and over again, between a couple of broads in the ladies room. (February 19, 2015. 5:54pm)
29. When it's 10 minutes to six and you think calling the work help desk for a quick software update is a good idea. # (February 19, 2015. 6:00pm)
30. Tremors: Single handedly asking the question, "How does a women in a town of 14 even get a huge pottery order?" #TremorsLive (February 20, 2015. 11:31pm)
31. The Wire, but with Monopoly. (March 4, 2015. 7:58pm)
32. RT @serialnerd: Bought the most brilliant pair of electric orange jeans, just in time for today's activities. Cuz those weeds aren't gonna pull themselves. (March 7, 2015. 12:18pm)
33. Back the the Suture  Whack to the Future (March 11, 2015. 8:44pm)
34. Travis and I walked #CicLAvia for almost 2 hours because riding a bike. :/) (March 22, 2015. 4:30pm)
35. I walk therefore I jam. #BiscuitDisco (March 26, 2015. 8:05pm)

What I didn't tell you, Installment 2.

5 months ago I started a series of entries titled What I Didn't Tell You, because sir, my mind never stops making notes.  If we could project artistically how my noodle categorizes and tacks them for future thought, it'd be the equivelant of a 30 minute sitcom.  Random words, strewn together in a chaotic organized mess, where only I know what they mean but is a relentless beast knocking on every door until I've either forgotten or achieved.

I re-read the first one and they were a little better than I gave myself credit for.  That's pretty cool!  Again, the rules are:

• I save them because I don't think they're worded just right or a cop is coming and I have to put my phone down (occasionally, only at stoplights) or I'm too tired to hit the button
• I may have posted the exact or some form of said tweet
• I present them in the exact way I saved it, typos or non-sense and all

And now, Installment 2.

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1. Recycling old stuff I look at once every 10 years. I don't want to move this shit anymore (April 25, 2014. 9:24am) 
2. I saw a lady with like 48 hot (April 25, 2014. 4:03pm)
3. I wouldn't eat sushi this far north of the wall. (April 25, 2014. 4:19pm)
4. The wind is blowing through my earrings so much, it sounds like a ghost is whistling in my ears. (April 29, 2014. 12:47pm)
5. The one spot dedicated to electric car charging is filled with a dick-head who doesn't share. To you sir, I flick my backwards hand up under my chin (May 12, 2014. 5:07pm)
6. Brought booze is better than bought booze. #CheapBastard (May 13 2014. 9:43pm)
7. I looked up someone on twitter I shouldn't have. She'll never know, but I know and now you know. (May 15, 2014. 1:20pm)
8. Tonight of nights, I won't take it personally Leroy went to lay down in another room. The house is hottest where I am. And no. (May 15, 2014. 9:53pm)
9. There's no sexy way to remove a hair that's fallen down your blouse. (May 16, 2014. 3:51pm)
10. The only show I had tix to but forgot to go was Anthrax & Slayer. I was out with @thatguytravis, we drove by the club, and I said oh shite! (May 25, 2014. 9:30pm)
11. Hall & Boats (May 26, 2014. 3:53pm)
12. 2 yrs ago, when @thatguytravis would finish intros to @TOCPod this late, it would give me anxiety cuz the neighbors were dicks. (June 1, 2014. 11:45pm)
13. No one told me I've been speaking a (June 2, 2014. 12:38pm)
14. I wonder how many times inmates fart on officers when they're getting searched. #gassy (June 3, 2014. 12:47am)
15. I Love You, Johnny Cakes. (May 5, 2014. 5:56pm)
16. (in reply to) @DarcyStaniforth DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOVE Henry & Glenn Forever??! They did a live readings in LA and our friend Eric was (June 18, 2014. 7:28pm)
17. Because it's a #Clarkacation (June 23, 2014. 11:01am)
18. #LadyVacation or not, it's hard for me to sit, relax & not feel guilty for doing so. But forcing it seems counter-productive. #pondery (June 26, 2014. 7:52pm)
19. If the only photographs of me were from my eyes upward, I'd win all the prizes. (July 1, 2014. 6:33pm)
20. Puppy's on fly patrol and he's got (August 2, 2014. 11:42am)
21. (this one is close to my heart, but not funny) Anyone who abuses animals is fucking scum. I want to inflict 10x the pain they caused & throw 1000 darts at their horrid flesh till they die     I think humans are the only species to willingly inflict harm upon another. Atrocious filth. Support organizations who help stop this behavior and jeezus, if you see something - say something. Help those who can't say so. (August 10, 2014. 12:05pm)
22. Great vegan dip recipe! 2 parts coconut yogurt, 2 parts veganaise, 1 part (August 18, 2014. 7:13pm)
23. Reason no 7812 I love Leroy. By not moving, he let's me know the sound in my head was the 'exploding head syndrome' acting up vs 'some shit is doing down' (September 2, 2014. 11:33pm)
24. Leroy had a stick stuck in his beard, he ran to chase a squirrel, the stick dropped, he went back to pick it up, then presumed his chase. (11 hours ago)

What I didn't tell you, Installment 1.

I am always thinking about some idea or task or friend or joke or concept or shopping list or...  hey that thought you had just that one second, it's probably sauce on my grey spaghetti too.  Because this ferris wheel doesn't stop, even when I put one hand up and one hand over my mouth, I am always writing things down.  My notepad at work is filled with thoughts, which can only be scratched out when completed.  I make mental and physical lists.  All of this works fantastically for the analog side and I try my best to replicate for the digital side.  So at any one time on my phone, you'll see varied note groupings with lines and CAPITALS and whatever else I can think to highlight what I need at that time.  My journal has about a dozen drafts at any one time, some with just the title.  And finally, not to be left out, I save unsent tweets because they usually aren't quite funny yet and I'm totally going to make them better after clearly thinking about it for. Like. Evers.

I know I'm standing at the furthest perimeter gate, but I GET what Travis and other comedians/writers go through to word something just right, to get the best reaction.  Funny, having a comedian/writer in your life for 11 years does have it's positive influences too.  who knew... <3

Here are 21 tweets I may or may not have posted and who's to say I won't in the future.  I feel a little exposed but there's hidden gems in a few, so please enjoy this first installment of "What I Didn't Tell You."  They are listed in order of date saved.

1. black heart wrist support (Oct 1, 2013. 10:53pm)
2. Uhm, I totally just made rad teriyaki sauce. Or should I say, (Oct 21, 2013. 7:42pm)
3. Now listen eye irritation headache.  I don't like you & you don't like me.  Let's agree to not hang out anymore (Dec 19, 2013. 7:30am)
4. dude! There was Target & #VandalEyes & kitties & photoshoots & charities & Wil even brought yer critters over to play for the best day ever! (Dec 21, 2013. 8:40am.)
5. The show Jail teaches one can be charged with "injury TO a police vehicle." I didn't know it was so sensitive; sorry, I won' tease anymore. (Dec 26, 2013. 2:01pm)
6. Alright people. I can't spot eating the pickles I made. I may want to pursue a business next year and call it (Dec 26, 2013. 5:10pm)
7. I could spend all day in a plant nursery or garden.  I predict in like 30 yrs, I'm gonna have my own version of The Winchester House.  (Jan 11, 2014. 3:55pm)
8. Its weird seeing this because I never knew who he 'was' until later and it's like ok. But I know him as the guy who quietly smiles & judged me.  (Jan 15, 2014. 7:16pm)
9. I think I just Quantum Leaped myself.  (Jan 24, 2014. 12:04pm)
10. Anyone else look at the empty gas light & think if I turn off everything in the car (radio, lights, etc) I'll go further before running out?  (Jan 24, 2014. 1:22pm)
11. Vacation day started with a fun puppy party! Now it's made all the better by a Jail/COPS marathon  (Feb 5, 2014. 2:58pm)
12. Good morning!  It's Friday and time to celebrate... Why? Its gets us to the weekend.  It's just another day people.  (Feb 14, 2014. 7:59am) 
13. My arms are quite sort from carrying a 30lb box of Duraflame logs around Target yesterday.  You have your workouts, I have mine.  (Feb 17, 2014. 7:03am)
14. You have 4 months left Garlic... before you're MINE!!!  (March 7, 2014. 1:01pm)
15. The guy in fragment of me has a small pin stripe.  (March 14, 2014. 5:42pm)
16. Guy buying wine and ice cream.  It's gonna be a hit night! #AdultDate chick should know how lucky (April 3, 2014. 7:30am)
17. Why do I always create a great updo before changing my shirt. #novice  (April 3,  2014. 10:57am)
18. I cannot deny this lime the right to (April 4, 2014. 7:41pm)
19. If you're going to maintain a blog, don't have the title be a misnomer. Otherwise @thatguytravis must listen to me  (April 7, 2014. 9:17pm)
20. When Age insists she go before Beauty, but doesn't hold the door open for you.  (April 9, 2014. 1:05pm)
21. 80s dancing with your puppy to Man Eater.  (April 13, 2014. 12:03am)