Friend Dating

Remember back in school when every, single, day was filled with the smiles and sounds of your friends?  You'd talk between classes, pass notes during, and hangout on the phone for hours with your feet up in the air until dinner was ready?  I miss that.  terribly.  And despite computing several possible algorithms and carrying the one, that's the precise element of youth I don't know how to retain.  School - yeah, that sucked sometimes.  But it was everything else throughout the day which made our lives what they were. 

I've been brawling silently in my head to accept these people I still greatly love aren't around everyday.  I bear the absent closeness that comes only from that.  I miss being asked how I'm doing or hearing a "fuck them" when I'm sad.  have a hug.  There is no longer a set of hours allotted per week to the important task at hand.  No 15 minute snack periods, no 60 minute lunches on the grass, no ditching class and running to the abandoned house across the street... It's all gone.

I remember the kids a few years out of high school would bitch about their new found responsibilities, but they never mentioned the time reduction around friends.  Actually, I concede, you can't possibly know at that age, like with so many things.  So the perpetual youngin' in me who refuses to acknowledge life can't always be that simple, is mournful.  That whole concept begins to wither from our reality the day we graduate.  And yet here we are... or at least here I am.  Struggling to feel connected with the people that mean the most.

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Because I've never been a person to have scores of breathers around me,  I practice the "better people equals less people" model.  So with fewer bodies comes a greater importance put upon thy friendships.  Especially with chicks, I kinda always fell into the 'guys girl' role, so now I fully appreciate ten fold the brilliant, shiny ladies in my life.  And the ones I hope to meet.  I'm encouraged by their actions and learn like a classy sponge, on spectrum's both positive & negative.  It fuels me despite never getting enough.  But I can't put unexpected pressure on any friend when this is what I'm having to figure out; the mutual expectations are a process defined over time.  And I will forever respect that unwritten decree because it's right.  And sure it seems uninterrupted with a spouse or someone sharing your home.  But you can't rely on a single person to fulfill every emotional need because that's not fair.

Most chums part ways unless you live in a mega small town and are super cool staying in your birth hood.  But that's not common, so hopefully the good ones leave in geography only.  And for those, the deep roots can't be severed by a bumpy terrain or a few missed phone calls.  Yet where does this leave me in the course of regular existencing?

Friend dating.

We should all friend date as adults.  When you want good people in your life you screen out the riff-raff, no?  You do it when looking romantically, so why not for all the other best parts of a person.  We've established seconds are precious, so I want to surround myself with only the best.  And just like with lovey dating, you're deciding whether this being (or pair of beings) is an awesome addition to your life.  Wherever or however you meet, it's all the same people!  Nothing is different yet it is.  Are you compatible, enjoy similar hobbies, share a sense of humour, pose thoughtful questions, what's acceptable, what isn't, what are you comfortable with doing at sleepovers.  Do they make me better!

Social media marginally bridges the dating gap, but certainly doesn't give an entire picture.  As the face-to-face is exchanged for an online discovery of personality, our new "friend" or "follower" can lead us to believe a skewed perception of their life.  Like are you trying to convince me or yourself... That's not something I do or project, because my opinions of someone are based in fact, although I understand how it could happen.  get off my lawn.  I like to believe posts and tweets and photos are meant to enhance the personality you meet, rather than transform it.  But peoples is peoples, so if any janky shit starts being tossed, better to know & decide early.

So now there's all this noise associated with a budding friendship; maybe more so in my own head.  I only gravitate to a small number of people, so when I feel our vibes are compatible I become a bumbly goof.  Just like a lover, I want to say the right thing, make them laugh, have them enjoy me like I enjoy them.  I savor their company, but I don't want to bother them.  Should I call/not call, I want to text this funny thing but maybe that's over the line because they don't feel the same - or they don't work the same.  Shit, I'm over-dissecting again, aren't I.  Round and round until my brain says "calm down silly.  friends are simply lovers without the spectacle."  Which makes me laugh and I relax.

I want to find a happy medium between recapturing what used to be, what I truly need, and what is realistic.  I want to hear I'm not alone.  That despite work, kids, appointments, errands, and all the things, with a little effort you and me can thrive together amongst the chaos.

Or at least get to first base. ;-)

Tell You Thursday: $11 and hour was worth it. almost.

Way back whennie in the summer of 2003... I was laid off from a job I really enjoyed because the change in management didn't agree I was a good fit.  It was a weird transition but screw them, their loss.  I had work experience, a mixed bag of college classes, but no degree.  poops.  That grown up whisper had me figuring out whether I would go back to school, get any ol' job, or whether I wanted a career.  ... I was 22 for something sakes!  Of course it was time to figure that out!

When I was first released, looking for jobs in the newspaper was still a fully viable option since the internet was still finding it's way.  I had submitted to a few companies online that were ahead of the curve, but it was more about lucky Antelope Valley Press GO!  Unfortunately after a few weeks it became apparent the paper was home to mostly construction or IT postings.  Surprisingly, my experience in those areas is null.  There was, however, one item which always stuck out to me.  "Credit Card Operators needed for morning, evening and late shifts.  $10 per hour / $11 per hour midnight to 8am" or some such words.

I'd seen this ad every day for the last two weeks; I had no prospects and no where to be, so why not.  I can punch numbers at midnight (those extra dollars would totally get me a new thrift store sweater) and if paid, be a pleasant chit-chatter.  I called and spoke with a really nice woman who was happy to give me an interview.  Sweet!  I was scheduled to meet the manager at 10am, I believe on a Tuesday.  As it so happened, the morning I set the first appointment I received a call from a company I had applied to online.  They also scheduled an interview that same Tuesday, just in the afternoon.  I was gonna win Tuesday!

Tuesday morning arrived like clock work and I dressed in my best ill-fitting professional clothes and headed to interview one's location, feeling optimistic.  The building was located on a main street I traveled often.  I remember the too-large gold mirror greeting me when I first opened the glass doors.  There were stair cases on either side and this gaudy thing in the middle.  It was sunny and reflecting oddly on my skin, so I fled up the stairs to the large common business park double doors.  I walked in to an empty reception desk.  hmmm.  A few minutes later a women walked out from behind another set of double doors, smiling, and introducing herself as X (I don't remember, not the band.)  Before the second double doors closed, I saw several ladies on headsets in front of computers and machines, so far everything is checking out!  I can do this!

Girl X started me on the application and gave a brief explanation of the job before the manager would see me.  She said it's pretty simple; I would take credit card numbers from customers, process the information, and send them to the queue.  Cool, simple.  Oh and every once in a while I would need to talk to the customers if the other girls were busy.  I said talk to them about what - thinking it must have something to do with what ever product they were trying to buy.  She paused a beat, smiled and said the business was an adult chat line, so when the queue is full, sometimes the operators have to talk.  But there are scripts, so it's easy!  hahaha, what!?  I became so nervous! Not because it was phone sex but because acting frightens me and there was no way I'd be any good!

Girl X wanted to make sure I was ok with that, which I truly had no issues with, so I just laughed and said it wasn't a problem.  But the acting piece was crawling up the nervous part of my brain.  I mean I would turn red and shut down speaking in front of a few people, let alone a whole office.  And then having to be sexy to boot - sorry, no AVN award for my public performance.  I put my scaredy comfy pants illustratively on.  In the moments leading up to the manager introduction, there was something else drawing me away from the job.  For no particular reason, I felt they would hire me so I had to quickly figure out my answer since this would just be a job.  The interview scheduled later in the afternoon was for a great company, more money, and was likely a good career move.  But it was a gamble.  Something locked in now vs playing the do they like me game.  I had only met with the recruiter but from our phone discussions, I was a strong candidate.  Gah!

I decided to speak with the fella and at least hear what he had to say, which was not much.  Hahah, my meeting with him was shorter than girl X.  He was really friendly but offered nothing new.  Was I ok with the job, was I interested, yatta yatta yatta.  Decision time.  I wanted to be as professional as I knew how, so I started off by thanking them and smiling.  Yes I was interested, but I had another opportunity later that day which would help me decide.  I promised I would call them by tomorrow morning with my answer.  They both felt that was ok, and so it goes.

I went to Travis' place and relayed the whole story and his advice aligned with mine - if job two doesn't work out, headset ally here I am!  or here I come (rimshot x 2)  That afternoon I met with and was subsequently hired by my current, legally cannot be discussed company.  Although I didn't find out I had the job till the next morning, I did call girl X back right after.  Much to my surprise, she was bummed I wouldn't be joining the "really great team."  Pretty amazing to feel sad after meeting a person for 10 minutes.  I guess I rule harder than I thought.

I still drive by that ugly building on a pretty street, gold mirror still blazing and wonder if they still reside there.  If they do, I wonder if they need part-time help cuz I haven't been thrift store shopping in a while.