Kicked Off The Eyeland

I have been driving myself a little batty trying to recreate all the things I'm thinking and feeling and sharing in therapy.  It's so fucking empowering to finally have a glimpse back into my own psyche, where over the years those ideals were slowly boarded up and I kinda stopped looking for a crack in the wood.  Now with a little more discovery, I wanted to write through my experiences here; a chronicle of sorts so I don't lose another two decades to fuzzy memories.  But my new found muscles are still new and removing the nails takes time, so today I write something I am aware of.  go me.

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My body is breaking down, isn't

I used to think the correlation to a numerical age was rubbish.  It was this fantastical concept drummed up by my husband, friends and the medical industry gremlins to sell pills.  Now I find myself kinda freaked by the subtle changes.  Because that means there are things I can control, like consistent physical activity, and then there are slow degenerations I can't.  Whether I ignored what was already in the works OR replicant witches have just cursed me using a fallen lash, I think my body is listening to their chants of change.  First one teetering on the brink of collapse - the eyes.  ok it's not really dramaticaville, but these blue iris' have always been 20/20 and now, not so much.  In fact, after a 2002 major car accident where my head became BFFs with the drivers side window, my eyes were better than 20/20.  didn't know that was even possible.

As a kid, eye ate carrots obsessively to the point my fingers were orange.  Eye liked them, still do.  Eye'd bring them to school in a plastic bag, along with a small orange tupperware filled with red catalina dressing.  Eye ate them under the pretense it was for sight, which for whatever reason grownups in my family insisted on telling me the benefits of most things they never ate.  bullocks.  When, err ummm, really it was because eye was the first in my class to experience the joy of acne.  Eye desperately wanted natural Vitamin A to be my cure all, a solution to make the teasing stop - when in reality eye could never eat that many.

Also as a kid, eye saw the optometrist every few years where he wrote in his little booklet how eye'd need reading glasses around 40.  pfffft, 40 was like forever from then.  But ballz - Eye'm 35 & hearing that dude whispering in my ear (which is a positive since eye have a decent case of indistinct tinnitus too - but that's not new so it doesn't count!!)  Eye feel like pleading before the Eye Council; Don't kick me out, eye still have so much to give!  Eye'd beg and plead and do anything to see it through till death.

So now - tiny print is a little fuzzy; license plates a bit scrambly at night; the computer screen brightness ticked a bit higher.  If only these changes were related to like fluffy kittens or something, it wouldn't seem so crappy.



booooooooo weirdo agey things.