Thursday, September 11, 2014

Tell You Thursday: 13 year Rememberance

Most people over the age of 20 probably remember what happened 13 years ago today in New York City.  It was a horrific, senseless event that left a world in shambles.  But this is neither an emotional plea nor some patriotic post - either way, don't get your flags in a bunch.

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That morning I was on my way to work with a vanpool of colleagues.  It was 6 or 7am something, I had just fallen asleep to KRTH 101, the station the driver mostly listened to.  I woke up to murmurs of confusion and a discussion of the "Twin Towers," by both the morning DJs and the immediate people around me.  I had no idea what they were talking about, let alone picturing something crashing into them.  I was the youngest on the van by at least 20 years.  They were kind and tried explaining the building, the history, and why this was such a catastrophic event.  I understood the concept, but had no frame of reference to understand the magnitude.  A plane hitting something sounded like an accident, so other than it being a disaster, I wasn't understanding the air of chaos.  I felt it but couldn't wrap my head around it.  I had never been to NYC, never knew anyone who had, never watched documentaries on the city, never heard of the building, never knew that type of violence, etc.  How can you be frightened by something you know nothing about?

To give context, at the time, domestic or worldly affairs didn't interest me.  It wasn't a concern or focus - I was 20 and still mostly thought about toys, boys and what I was doing that weekend.  It seems absurd now to think how sheltered and partially uneducated that brain version was.  Not saying it was right or wrong, just saying.  Today I am a much different person; I understand politics and take a pretty decent interest in worthy news.  But then, not so much.

When we arrived at work, the chaos had grown to panic.  People everywhere looking up into the sky, pointing, running across streets, wondering aimlessly, cars honking, streets jammed, and a sense of mayhem was everywhere.  I'd never seen anything like it then or since.  The vibe was thick and slow like molasses.  I won't say what I did during this time because then you'd know what I do now and I don't talk about that.  But for the next year plus some change, I felt the disruption daily from colleagues.  With their questions, their panic, their anxiety, their trepidation, their ideas - day in, day out.  It never stopped and I was overwhelmed.  I started resenting the phone, the internet, interactions with people in general because I couldn't help anyone.  Everyone wanted a simple answer to a revolving question.  I became fiercely bitter by everything post because these people were making me react to something I didn't grasp.  I retreated.

It took quite some time to emerge from that nasty cocoon, but over that next year, I was heavily educated by my organization on preparedness.  And let me tell you a positive for those who skoff at practicing safety drills.  Because the Twin Towers were diligent in their building safety efforts, thousands more lives were saved that day because they did what they were taught.  I found some comparison study between the 1993 attacks and 2001 - kinda interesting. 

But it's not to say I lack compassion.   Quest the opposite - I have complete and utter sympathy for the families affected by the ones who lost their lives by the planes, in the planes, surrounding buildings, first responders, the animals, and all the terrible health effects we are still discovering now.  Because only a couple people accepted that fate, it's not fair the others were taken short.

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Today, 13 years later,  I still fall back into this numb existence regarding the event.  It certainly affects me more today than it ever did then, because I'm more mature.  More experienced to see the affects actions have on a society.  And I understand the impact.  But I cannot mentally share the same level of grief as I've seen others bear over the years, whether they were at ground zero, near it, in NYC proper or in Los Angeles.  I just wish them peace.

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Today, I woke up knowing it was anniversary 13.  I also woke up excited I was getting a haircut.  I thirdly also decided to take Leroy to the Batcave hike.  I planned these things not because I lack empathy, but because life continues.  People who have passed still want loved ones to be happy.  To laugh, to experience, to celebrate the life they shared together instead of dwell on what cannot be changed.  However each of us gets to the final stage.

Going to the Batcave had no significance other than spending alone time with pups in a cool place.  There were only a few people there because it's a Thursday, so it was us amongst the rocks.  We met some very silly dogs and ran though the cave countless times.  That is what makes me happy today.


Remember something lovely about a person you miss today.
Put a smile on your face and a strangers, by doing something kind today.

But dudes - our time is short, so don't waste it being a miserable jerk today... or any day.  {see above two points}






  




Friday, September 5, 2014

What I didn't tell you, Installment 2.

5 months ago I started a series of entries titled What I Didn't Tell You, because sir, my mind never stops making notes.  If we could project artistically how my noodle categorizes and tacks them for future thought, it'd be the equivelant of a 30 minute sitcom.  Random words, strewn together in a chaotic organized mess, where only I know what they mean but is a relentless beast knocking on every door until I've either forgotten or achieved.

I re-read the first one and they were a little better than I gave myself credit for.  That's pretty cool!  Again, the rules are:
  • I save them because I don't think they're worded just right or a cop is coming and I have to put my phone down (occasionally, only at stoplights) or I'm too tired to hit the button
  • I may have posted the exact or some form of said tweet
  • I present them in the exact way I saved it, typos or non-sense and all

And now, Installment 2.

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  1. Recycling old stuff I look at once every 10 years. I don't want to move this shit anymore (April 25, 2014. 9:24am) 
  2. I saw a lady with like 48 hot (April 25, 2014. 4:03pm)
  3. I wouldn't eat sushi this far north of the wall. (April 25, 2014. 4:19pm)
  4. The wind is blowing through my earrings so much, it sounds like a ghost is whistling in my ears. (April 29, 2014. 12:47pm)
  5. The one spot dedicated to electric car charging is filled with a dick-head who doesn't share. To you sir, I flick my backwards hand up under my chin (May 12, 2014. 5:07pm)
  6. Brought booze is better than bought booze. #CheapBastard (May 13 2014. 9:43pm)
  7. I looked up someone on twitter I shouldn't have. She'll never know, but I know and now you know. (May 15, 2014. 1:20pm)
  8. Tonight of nights, I won't take it personally Leroy went to lay down in another room. The house is hottest where I am. And no. (May 15, 2014. 9:53pm)
  9. There's no sexy way to remove a hair that's fallen down your blouse. (May 16, 2014. 3:51pm)
  10. The only show I had tix to but forgot to go was Anthrax & Slayer. I was out with @thatguytravis, we drove by the club, and I said oh shite! (May 25, 2014. 9:30pm)
  11. Hall & Boats (May 26, 2014. 3:53pm)
  12. 2 yrs ago, when @thatguytravis would finish intros to @TOCPod this late, it would give me anxiety cuz the neighbors were dicks. (June 1, 2014. 11:45pm)
  13. No one told me I've been speaking a (June 2, 2014. 12:38pm)
  14. I wonder how many times inmates fart on officers when they're getting searched. #gassy (June 3, 2014. 12:47am)
  15. I Love You, Johnny Cakes. (May 5, 2014. 5:56pm)
  16. (in reply to) @DarcyStaniforth DID YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOVE Henry & Glenn Forever??! They did a live readings in LA and our friend Eric was (June 18, 2014. 7:28pm)
  17. Because it's a #Clarkacation (June 23, 2014. 11:01am)
  18. #LadyVacation or not, it's hard for me to sit, relax & not feel guilty for doing so. But forcing it seems counter-productive. #pondery (June 26, 2014. 7:52pm)
  19. If the only photographs of me were from my eyes upward, I'd win all the prizes. (July 1, 2014. 6:33pm)
  20. Puppy's on fly patrol and he's got (August 2, 2014. 11:42am)
  21. (this one is close to my heart, but not funny) Anyone who abuses animals is fucking scum. I want to inflict 10x the pain they caused & throw 1000 darts at their horrid flesh till they die     I think humans are the only species to willingly inflict harm upon another. Atrocious filth. Support organizations who help stop this behavior and jeezus, if you see something - say something. Help those who can't say so. (August 10, 2014. 12:05pm)
  22. Great vegan dip recipe! 2 parts coconut yogurt, 2 parts veganaise, 1 part (August 18, 2014. 7:13pm)
  23. Reason no 7812 I love Leroy. By not moving, he let's me know the sound in my head was the 'exploding head syndrome' acting up vs 'some shit is doing down' (September 2, 2014. 11:33pm)
  24. Leroy had a stick stuck in his beard, he ran to chase a squirrel, the stick dropped, he went back to pick it up, then presumed his chase. (11 hours ago)